California Kay

I am a vast array of contradictions

noreply@blogger.com (Kay) — Tue, 01 Dec 2009 03:32:00 +0000

I am easily amused. It doesn't take much to entertain me. I get excited by new shopping purchases. My most recent purchases (and thus my newest joy inducing toys):

Beefy new tires for my truck.

Cute little reindeer antlers for Lolo to wear when she sits on Santa's lap for her Christmas photo. (Shut it Barbie. Right now, before you even start)

Two new pairs of Adidas I got while Black Friday shopping with Lil Bro.

The awesome new recumbent exercise bike that is waiting to be assembled in my living room.

And the new makeup I ordered from Avon, upon finding the catalog on my mother's kitchen counter.

Which brings me to the real point of this post. I ordered two mascaras, one eye liner, and some mixed thing of eye shadow. I may not know much about makeup, but I do like to play. And part of that playing is my late night dressup/hairstyling/makeup experimentation. I believe Diablo Cody said it best (via Juno McGuff), "There's nothin' like experimentin,'" right kids?

This Avon order was delivered to me a few days ago, but because I was deathly ill all weekend, I have just now remembered it and decided to bring it out to play. I'll admit that Avon has a bit of a tough sell headed its way in convincing me to be a fan, since I'm completely in love with Urban Decay's mascara and eye liner, but I am completely willing to try new things. Once or twice.

I'll admit to having an oddly curious fascination with Avon, my grandmother sold it all of my life. The siblings and I were always so excited to go to Grandma B's and see what new things she had. So when I saw that Avon catalog sitting on my Mother's counter, I couldn't help but open it up to see what was inside. Being new to the world of makeup, I figured it would be almost irresponsible of me to pass up a sale and with it the cheapened opportunity to explore a new brand.

First on the play list was AVON's Daring Definition Mousse Mascara. Old school style brush/wand. Black color. Nothing remarkable. It didn't cause any clumping, but that may be because it's a new bottle. It reminded me a bit of Maybelline's Stiletto Mascara, if Stiletto didn't cause wicked clumping. Downside, it does absolutely nothing for curl. At least Stiletto gave my lashes a bit of a curl. I'm beginning to see the point of lash curlers.

Let's take a little detour for a moment here. Do you remember back in '03, when AVON started that marketing campaign where they tried to rename their makeup line Mark? In an effort to attract the under 60 crowd, they went on and on about how you needed to "Meet Mark," with all of their glamorous models walking around asking each other "Have you met Mark?" Cheesy as hell, but apparently it worked, since the Mark line is still around.

Next in the rotation was Feeling Fine Ultra Thin Eye Liner. I was pretty excited about this because I love eye liner. The right eye liner can work miracles. An ultra thin eye liner has potential. Off comes the cap, and I see that there is some sort of inner cap still stuck on. I put the cap back on and pull it off a few times, trying to dislodge it. No love. Since my grip is weaker than a limp fish's (Thank you Fibro), I bite the inner lid and try to pull it off. Then I realize that perhaps it's not meant to come off. Instead it twist it left and right until I see that it works like lipstick, except there seems to be no going back once you've gotten it out of the tube. Odd, but I'll go with it. Looking at the eye liner in disbelief I catch myself off guard when I say aloud, "You were in my mouth." And then I giggle, because Lolo has just looked at me as if I'm slightly dense. Undeterred, I start on my top right lid, and the tip breaks off. Now that I know how this little beast works, I twist it and return to my top right lid. Again the tip breaks off. Hmmmm. Apparently it's a bit of a science to get enough out to use without breaking off the tip. I twist just a tiny bit and decide to attempt the lower right lid instead. After stabbing myself in the eye twice, I manage manage to get the job done. I twist out a little more of the (stick/pencil/stuff) and go back to the upper lid. And the tip breaks off. Three Strikes and you're a failure.

Dear "Mark,"

What the hell man? How about some effing instructions?

You're done,
California Kay

Curious about this blogger?

noreply@blogger.com (Kay) — Mon, 30 Nov 2009 17:23:00 +0000

Kaycee Johnson (your very own California Kay) now resides in Western Washington, in what her friends have lovingly labeled "East Jesus Nowhere." Kaycee is a mid-twenties "boomerang kid," meaning that she left home, lived on her own, and is now back living with her parents. This works out very well for Kaycee, since she abhors cooking, and now has a built-in babysitter for her overly spoiled Mini-Dachshund, Lolo. When she's not writing, Kaycee enjoys an intense game of fetch, baking cupcakes, playing Guitar Hero, and perusing personal ads on CraigsList (They are hilarious and you really should try it one of these days).

I don't do sick very well

noreply@blogger.com (Kay) — Sun, 29 Nov 2009 06:11:00 +0000

I get bored easily, and when I'm sick I'm usually too tired to invent new ways to amuse myself. And yes, the internet is a fun, entertaining thing, but even that gets old after a few hours. At this point I usually turn to movies. But you can only rewatch a movie so many times. So I turn to my fellow humans for entertainment. But since I've got this lovely mouth-breathing raspy thing going on, the phone is not ideal. And apparently the family feels "We love you honey, but if you're sick you need to stay in your own house." Because whoever gave me these germs so kindly stuck to that little rule...

I'm bored and frustrated with my sickness. It has left me bouncing between hot and cold like a ping pong ball bounces between Beer Pong teams in a Frat House. I'm super exhausted. I'm torn between hunger and nausea. I feel like I'm wasting a perfectly good weekend, not to mention a rare opportunity to see Little Bro. And I'm very, very bored.

< /end pity party>

I can has Benadryl?

noreply@blogger.com (Kay) — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 03:51:00 +0000

I went to see Kelly Clarkson Tuesday night with Barbie. It was epic, I'm working on that post.

Woke up Wednesday with a mysteriously sore throat, and no recollection of screaming like a 12 year old girl all night.

Kicked it with lil bro Wednesday night, throat still behaving oddly.

Slept nice and late Thursday, and awoke to a slight twinge in my left ear.

Spent an odd Thanksgiving with the family. Remembered why I've had other plans for Thanksgiving for the last 5 years.

Got conned into going Midnight Black Friday shopping with lil bro, instead of at a nice normal hour, like 4 or 5 AM.

Bought two more pairs of Adidas!!! Have no idea where I shall put them when they are not on my feet.

Had to park way out in BFE and walk 8000 miles to the stores, while whining about my lungs and the cold and how the two do not get along.

Went on a donut seeking adventure with lil bro, only to strike out repeatedly.

Was home and back to bed by 4AM.

Woke up again. Immediate thought upon waking "What the hell is wrong with my ears?" And then I realized the rest of my head hurt too.

I have pressure and pain. I think it's just a nasty cold, but we've also got some wicked awesome nausea going on. Yay me! I have located my stash of "I'm sick" meds, and am playing doctor to myself, while sleeping and drinking enormous amounts of liquid. Lolo is unsympathetic to my plight, but that's nothing new.

Hope you had a lovely Thanksgiving. Please send meds, but for the love of Jeebus, no soup!

Best potential reasons to dump someone--in progress

noreply@blogger.com (Kay) — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 00:28:00 +0000

Because you would have to buy chains for your car to visit their family for Thanksgiving, and it's just not worth the hassle/cash.

I love cupcakes

noreply@blogger.com (Kay) — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 03:09:00 +0000

After a two week hiatus caused by migraines and busy schedules, tonight it's time to bake. Tonight is devoted entirely to experiments, so stay tuned for pictures. That's right, we're updating all night.

First experiment: the tried-and-true brownie cupcakes with several as yet undecided variations. Check back soon!
Brownie cupcakes are just coming out of the oven. Half have an oreo inside, the other half have a chewy chips ahoy. These will either be awesome or epic failures.

More pics when they cool and I cut them open.

Now on to gingerbread cupcakes!

Just as the Gingerbread were going into the oven, it was time to bust open those brownie-cookie cupcakes and see how they turned out.
Oreos inside of brownies=not a delicious delight. I actually threw it away after 2 bites (one has to double check).
Chewy Chips Ahoy inside of brownie=EPIC! My tastebuds cried with joy over the sweet, sugary victory they were tasting.

Oddly there is no picture of the Gingerbread Cupcakes. They were very yummy though, and received good reviews at the sleepover I may or may not have had Friday night.

Pain

noreply@blogger.com (Kay) — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 10:48:00 +0000

"Pain is weakness leaving the body."

Trite, yes, but is it valid?

I have fibromyalgia. I'm sure you've seen the commercials advertising all the latest miracle drugs. Maybe they work for some people, but I've never found a pill that worked for me for longer than a month. And because these "miracle pills" come with side effects that are sometimes nastier than the original symptoms, I have become anti-pill, out of principle.

Fibromyalgia is defined as a condition characterized by chronic, widespread pain of the muscles, joints, tendons, and other soft tissues. No one has any idea what causes it, nor how to cure it. Some call it an autoimmune disorder. Some call it a neurological disorder. Others say it is a rheumatological disorder.

I call it one of those things that helps you see what's really important to you. You don't know pain until you've spent a weekend lying in bed, calling everyone you know just to listen to someone talk, hoping it will take your mind off the pain. You don't know pain unless you've spent hours in a bath as hot as you can bear, trying to get the heat to soak away the pain, only to have it return as soon as the water turns cold. I have been in more pain that I thought I could bear, but bear it I did. I know that no matter how bad it is, eventually the pain will ebb. No matter what I may feel currently, everything is temporary. So I try to enjoy the good, and ride out the bad.

So many people tell me I have "such a great attitude." But what other option is there? Despite the things life has thrown at me, I do enjoy my life. I have spent much time alone with myself through all of my trials. Why would I want to be around a sad, depressed person? I try to always look for the positive, for the little things that make me happy. At the end of the day, it's all about what makes you happy. I make me laugh and I genuinely enjoy my own company. I feel the following sums up my outlook rather well (which is probably why I chose to get it commemorated forever down my side):

"I don't ever want to forget my past. Anything I have ever done was because it made me happy, and you can't regret anything that once made you happy."

What the future may bring, I don't know. I know I can get through anything. I refuse to let the insignificant weigh me down. I choose to surround myself with positive people who I respect and admire, and have little tolerance for people who don't bring positive things to the table.

I feel I am stronger for all of my pain. My pain reminds me that I am human. I do not fear it, I see it as a reminder of the good times that I will have again, because nothing is permanent.

Blind Gayting: Seattle

noreply@blogger.com (Kay) — Sun, 15 Nov 2009 05:36:00 +0000

As many of you know, I've been single for a little while now, and as part of my transformation upon moving back to Washington, I decided to jump into the Wonderful World of Dating. I've come to realize that my dear friend Jake was not exaggerating when he told me, "Kay, these Washington girls are nothing like Callie girls. It's a whole new ball game." The first thing I've noticed is that a shocking number of people here are polyamorous. A shocking number. Roughly half the online dating ads I see are for someone looking for a boyfriend AND a girlfriend. I know you aren't supposed to knock it till you've tried it, but I'm just not feeling that.

I have now been on (for me) a substantial amount of blind dates. I have decided to expand upon the classic definition of "blind date," because this is the digital world. You can find pictures of almost anyone if you look hard enough. For me, I choose to use it to define going on a date with a person I have not previously met.

In this lovely state I have chosen to relocate to East Jesus Nowhere, so that usually provides me with a 1.5 to 2 hour drive to meet up with these potential dates. That's a lot of time to get nervous, freak out, debate with yourself back and forth over whether or not to no-show, and to call pretty much everyone in your address book to share in the freak-out.

I am someone who moves rather slowly in the dating game, so I decided that instead of full-on dates (with all of the pressure of deciding who pays, who drives, who kisses whom at the end of the night, etc.) I would simply friend-date. It's important to me that I be able to be friends with someone I could potentially date, so I thought this was a very logical solution. Added bonus: I haven't lived in this state in over 5 years; anyone I was friends with before has either moved, disappeared, or gotten married and turned into a baby-making-machine. I can always use more friends.

...Until you come to realize that there are some people that you'd not even be friends with. I know, I sound like such a bitch. Before you judge me too harshly, allow me to introduce Friend Date #1.

Why do we bother with sleeping anyway?

noreply@blogger.com (Kay) — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 10:14:00 +0000

It's 0200 and I am filled with an aura of awesome. I can't sleep but that's not bugging me right now. Instead I am wondering why we ever try to sleep at all. If we could just not sleep, imagine how much more productive we'd be. Sleeping consumes one-fourth to one-third of everyone's day, and for what?

Besides, I find that I am at my height of creativity late at night. I make the best CD mixes, I have the most ease in converting my thoughts to words, I create most of my random artistic crafts; all of it late-night. I think I should just become a night person, sleep during the day and do all my living under the cloak of darkness.
Think of the benefits:
-I could gain quite the reputation as the neighborhood creeper, a living legend among the local children.
-I wouldn't have to fight those horrendous grocery store crowds anymore; no one grocery shops at 3 am (except the crack heads, but they're mostly harmless).
-The sun will no longer be my enemy. The amount of money I'll save in sunscreen alone almost makes up for the possible hermitie side effects.
-Never again will the dog park be too crowded. (Of course, since Lolo is a bigger pansy about the cold than her owner is, this might not be a very big win).
-My sleep schedule would be ideal for weekend partying plans; no more fear of being the first to fall victim to sleep.
-As everyone else is waking up and fighting through the morning rush hour traffic, I could be crawling into my bed, ready to sleep the day away. And I do love my bed. It's pretty much the most awesome bed in the history of beds. The perfect mixture of firm and squishy. One can sleep on their stomach, back, side, any way they please, and it's all good sleep.

When you look at all of that, who wouldn't want to switch to nighttime living immediately? Who is with me?

Lolo Tales EDIT: Now with pictures

noreply@blogger.com (Kay) — Thu, 05 Nov 2009 04:05:00 +0000

As I lie here in my peaceful bath of bubbles and Epsom salts, the sound of whatever my DVR is set to record Wednesday nights playing in the background, I am struck with a profound, even life-altering thought. Is it the cure for cancer? Is it the meaning of life? Is it a way to spit out the billion stories of epic adventures floating around in my head? Nay. It is the realization that I have created a monster. Lolo has been sitting outside the bathroom door (that I had to trick her into going through mind you) whining for 15 solid minutes. While I have made much progress and am now able to take my showers dog-free roughly 95% of the time, Lolo believes that any time a bath is drawn, it is for her. As soon as the water starts running she mysteriously appears from whatever adventure had previously been holding her ADHD brain captive and will jump into the tub. It doesn't matter if she is dead asleep or outside running around like a mini wilder beast. As soon as the shower is turned on in fill-the-tub mode, Lolo is there.

I now realize I cannot live in a house that does not have a bath tub. I cannot live with anyone who intends to take baths frequently (because how do you explain an 8 pound monster who does not care who is in the tub when she decides it's bath time?) I'm not even sure I can have roomies again, because we would have to take Lolo's bathtub needs into consideration when scheduling shower shifts. (Side note: do people really do that? Schedule shower shifts? I've only ever had one roomie, but I assume that if there were several people who needed to get up and out the door around the same time that it would be problematic...)

She's a monster, plain and simple. She will spend as much time in the tub as I let her. She has these two little penguin swimmer toys, they zoom around the sides of the tub and she chases them. It's the most entertaining thing ever. As soon as I find the chord for my camera I'll upload the videos. In the mean time, we're mysteriously running low on bubble bath, and my allotted bath time is up. The upside: once Lolo's done with bath time she's usually ready to crash. Score!

Halloween story and Dating Chronicles are still on their way.

Update

noreply@blogger.com (Kay) — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 13:09:00 +0000

I've got a couple of meetings coming up this week with advisors to discuss switching my major. Just discuss at this point, no need to get alarmed. I'm just really torn at this point between continuing to pursue my nursing degree, and going with an English major. I have rediscovered my love for writing and editing, so I am looking into the possibility of following that.

That said, stay tuned for some updates coming at you. We've got a Halloween adventure in the works and the Dating Chronicles are still on their way to a computer screen near you.

Much love to you all
Kay

I Love Grey's Anatomy

noreply@blogger.com (Kay) — Wed, 28 Oct 2009 03:08:00 +0000

6 minutes in to last week's episode: "You can't pray away the gay!!!"

I love DVR. My parents have no idea how to use it, so it is ALL MINE. It is especially useful this week as I see that most of my shows are taking a week or two off. They upgraded to HD and DVR a few weeks after I moved in to my casa, and it's wired out to my place too, so I can use their DVR whenever and it doesn't affect them.

I went on a complete failure of a blind date Thursday, I have been super exhausted for about a week now (I blame all this damn rain), and I am trying super hard to not get sick.

One of my profs has been sick for a few days, leaving me with no class after my morning Chem class. Today I was left with a three hour window between classes, and I have to admit, I was not looking forward to my final class of the day. I texted several people to kill some time, and when my bud Barbie told me to come over I could not leave fast enough. It did not matter that it was 45 minutes in the opposite direction of my house. It was not a mind numbing two hour countdown to Psych. Did I mention that Barbie is close to attaining new BFF status, due to the fact that she feeds me? I bringeth the cupcakes, she maketh the lunch. When she finds another job I shall be much saddened.

Check back soon for the Seattle Blind Gayting Chronicles. I subject myself to random blind dates for your enjoyment. You know you're interested.

It's 2AM and of course I can't sleep

noreply@blogger.com (Kay) — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 09:23:00 +0000

I've missed this place. I've missed you people. I've missed writing. I'm finding my English 101 class and professor to be very inspiring; they are presenting a challenge that I'm quite enjoying.

I have decided to post my essays here. The first was a photo narrative essay. The assignment was to write about a picture that held some significance to us. Enjoy:

Thank You For Your Eighties

30 minutes to show time, there are at least 100 people in the sectioned off side entrance of the San Francisco Borders. Not a bad turnout for a Wednesday night. The crowd is mostly women, a few husbands or boyfriends have been drug along for the event. Their ages span a wide range, 20 somethings impatiently browsing the nearby racks of books in their boredom. The 30 somethings are jockeying for the best position to see the stage while staying clear of the aisles as instructed. The 40 and up crowd obviously showed up early and have control of the metal folding chairs situated in front of the stage. Everyone receives a wristband as they arrive, a pecking order is established by the color we are assigned. Those in the folding chair crowd are showing off their yellow bands that let everyone know they got here first. My purple wristband doesn’t let me get anywhere near the seating, but I’m closer to the stage than the red or green crowd.

This night really began weeks ago, when I saw that brief announcement on Twitter. Jen Lancaster was about to embark on an eighties themed book signing, and one of the first stops was San Francisco. Jen Lancaster. The woman who taught us to never dress to impress with pearls and your Prada bag when going to the unemployment office. The woman who selflessly shared the valuable lesson that Ambien plus wine equals a truckload of new furniture from PotteryBarn.com. The woman who writes nasty letters to her trashy neighbors from a made-up homeowners association. There was no way I was going to miss this.

I had to find the perfect outfit. It became a mission. I tore through my closet looking for any possible leads. I had some super faded button-fly Levis I stole from my brother that had probably seen the eighties, and a pair of Converse All-Stars, but that was about it. I hit the malls like a washed up one hit wonder hits VH1. Luckily the Sacramento malls were going through some horrible eighties flashback. I found an obnoxiously bright DC shirt that I didn’t mind being seen in public in at PacSun. Anchor Blue had a dazzling array of tank tops where I found one that matched my new shirt. Some random mall kiosk offered up the perfect accessory-large pink stunner shades that were so bad I almost liked them.

The only foreseeable problem was my hair. It’s just not long enough to turn into big eighties hair. I could always try a wig, but those things have freaked me out since I watched Hocus Pocus with my aunt when I was young. I spent countless hours in the bathroom playing with different hairstyles in the mirror. The day of the meet-and-greet my hair was most uncooperative, and I ended up throwing on a hat as I ran out the door.

Because I am a huge tool, I pre-ordered Jen’s new book via Amazon weeks earlier. By the time of the book signing I had already read it. Twice. But waiting in that room with all those other fans, I was still eager to hear Jen read an excerpt from the book to us. Jen’s tour assistant (who was pretty impressive dressed in a leotard, tights, leg warmers, and a side-pony) was reading a Would You Rather book to the audience to warm up the crowd.

Seven o’clock rolls around and the crowd grows quieter. There has been no indication that Jen’s even here yet, but it’s the magical time. Everyone’s looking around, scanning the room, wondering which door she’ll come in. Ten minutes past seven one of the Borders employees announces that she’s on her way up and the excitement grows in the room. Jen walks into the room and you’d think Hannah Montana had just walked into an elementary school. Everyone is on their feet cheering and crowding the aisle and I can see nothing. I move behind a short lady, and now I can kind of see the stage. Jen tells us a story about getting a pedicure in Portland where the woman was so rough she ended up with bruises on her legs. She reads a hilarious excerpt about her first encounter with lobster as a 9 year old. The audience is eating out of her hand. She opens up the floor for some Q&A and someone asks what she’s working on next. She tells us there are a couple of new books in the works. Someone asks if there’s a possibility of a movie or a TV show. She says “No, why, have you heard something?” Everyone laughs. There are a couple more questions then we’re it’s time for the autograph session.

The Borders employee in charge of wristbands instructs us to line up in order of color, yellow first, then purple, red, and green. Because there was no further direction, chaos erupts as people rush to try to line up before everyone else. The line quickly extends around the store. I end up by a couple of ladies decked out in some awesome eighties attire. Lisa is sporting some big eighties hair (courtesy of AquaNet), an off the shoulder sweatshirt with the sleeves cut off, and has pegged the legs of her jeans. Michelle is dressed more conservatively in two polo shirts with popped collars and a pair of Jordache jeans. We talk about how slowly the line is moving, about the lack of participation in the dress-up theme of the event, about the random order of the books. One aisle of books contains the categories marriage, divorce, and substance abuse, which amuses us for several minutes.

The whole time we’re standing in line I’m mulling over what to say when it’s finally my turn to meet Jen Lancaster. It needs to be something witty that stands out from what everyone else is saying. The line slowly creeps forward. Time crawls by. I’m next in line and I start to panic slightly. I hand my cell phone to the awesomely dressed assistant to take my picture, and as I walk up to Jen all thoughts leave my head. What witty comment comes out of my mouth?

“OMG you rock!” I almost cringe as the words come out of my mouth. “Thank you, that means so much,” comes Jen’s graceful reply. We pose perfectly and hold our smiles for an eternity as the assistant tries to take the picture with my phone. I walk around the table and show her what to click. Michelle and Lisa make fun of me for taking so much time. The four of us start talking about all the awesome eighties outfits we’ve seen as I awkwardly resume my crouching pose again. Jen then looks at me and asks if I was even born yet in the eighties. I say yes, then sheepishly admit that it was eighty-five. Jen, Michelle and Lisa all groan. Jen signs my book and my time is up. I thank her again and she shakes my hand and says, “Thank you for your eighties.”

2 posts in the same week? OMG

noreply@blogger.com (Kay) — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 08:31:00 +0000

Hey kids,

I'm writing a paper for my English class, and decided to do it on a part of my kanser adventure, so I was back here to read through my blogs from Chemo. What a hellish period of time. It made me so emotional just reading back through it, I was right back there. I could feel the nausea, the needle going into my port, taste the chemicals in the back of my throat. Someone told me a while back that I have PTSD from my cancer. I told them they were fucking crazy, but it's possible I suppose.

Reflecting on all of this, (and reading the comments), I am so thankful for my amazing friends. Thank you all for being there for me, I don't deserve any of you.

Love to all of you (but not on you).
Fuck Cancer,
California-less Kay

Hello my pretties

noreply@blogger.com (Kay) — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 05:51:00 +0000

I've neglected you for far too long, and for that I apologize. I think about you all the time. I scribble little notes to you on the edges of my papers while I'm in class, so that I can come back and talk to you later, and then I forget. I'm sure my Psych professor loves the little memo's though. He cut his shaggy hair, so I'm assuming he read that one. The gotee's still with us though, so perhaps he doesn't read everything...

Anywho, I'm back in Washington. I'm in school. And I miss you. Lolo turned 1 last month! She's still my wee little bastard. I <3 Twitter. I got a Facebook (But I blame Crossbow for that one. It was a deal/dare, and I had to pay up by getting a FB.) I believe I've mentioned before that I <3 this chick, but if you're unclear, you should probably go check her out again. She makes me laugh, therefor you shall love her.

I have an English paper I'm semi writing right now, but it's being a frustrating little thing and won't come out right, so I'm "taking a break." I was actually Googling Strawberry Cupcakes and decided to pop in and tell you all that I <3 you. And cupcakes. And lamp.

Lolo's growling at me in the way that translates to "Bitch, if you don't come play with me, your shoes are going to pay," so I'm going to be a good little human-slave and listen (I have new shoes people. They don't deserve to die.) Plus I have cupcakes to bake. Let's do this again soon shall we?

Teaser for last night's party

noreply@blogger.com (Kay) — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 05:24:00 +0000

Hey kids,

Last night was my going away party with my work buds. I think 22-23 fools showed up out of like 60 invited. Not too shabby. I haven't gotten the pics developed yet (I do NOT take my camera when we're drinking. Instead I get a bunch of disposables) But one of my buddies took his camera, and has dumped the pics onto myspace. Here's a quick teaser to get you all excited for my blow-by-blow recap:

Bowling.
Drinking.
Dance Dance Revolution.
Drinking.
Dancing on a Table.
Drinking.

Me doing the "I'm a pimp" dance because I hit some pins.

Me grabbin that ass. A lot of ass was grabbed last night.

Me breakin it the fuuuuuck down with a lil DDR. I am a DDR God!!!

Full recap to include more pictures and actual texts/tweets from The Night. Tell your friends! And best part? No hangover. Score!

New Blog Crack

noreply@blogger.com (Kay) — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 04:27:00 +0000

OMG, fucking hysterical, View now: The UnderDog Diaries

What've you been up to?

noreply@blogger.com (Kay) — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 18:02:00 +0000

So I'm now Twitter's bitch. I text updates ALL the damn time. I love it. Me and Twitter are gettin maaaaaarried...

Had another (and hopefully my last) back procedure done on Tuesday. Didn't swear at my doc nearly as much. I actually tried really hard not to swear at all. They got my IV in on the first stick, totally awesome! The Drugs actually knocked me out, but not before the unholy pain of "checking the nerve endings..." My doc gives me like 6 shots of lidocane, while I'm muttering curses under my breathe the whole time. But they weren't loud ones, so it's ok right? Then they put the grounding pad on my calve and the tech's talking some shit, so I tell the Dr he should smack him. The Dr does not hear me correctly, and says "What? Did you say just smack it?!?!" as he stands at the ass end of me. I quickly correct him, but the tech escapes the pimp slap... Then the needles are inserted at the 4 nerves of shittiness, and the machine is fired up. First nerve I'm muttering under my breathe and Dr hysterical is saying "What's my name?" I say no. Nerve number 2 is up and he says "Come on, say my name..." This guy is a fool but I find him hilarious thru the pain and drugs that will come soon. Nerve number 2 hurts like a little bitch so I say "OMFG!!!" Which the Dr of course hears and gloats to all the nurses and techs that I called him God. As I swear thru the "testing" of nerves 3 and 4 he keeps talking (He must think he distracts from the pain. Not so much Mr Dr guy...) about "God huh? No... I'm not a God... I'm just a Dr..." Fool. Then the nurse pumps the drugs into my sweet one-stick-IV and I think, "Hmmmm, my head's getting fuzzy..." And then I wake up in recovery. Nice.

I celebrated my birthday 6 June and it was fucking insane. Remind me to post on that another day, and I have pictures. Oh it will be awesome.

I got all drugged up Wednesday and ordered a Bamboo Fun Pen Tablet. With overnight shipping of course. My new toy arrived yesterday and it's fucking BOMB! I installed the software that came with it (COREL PAINTER 4 is fucking sweet action), but was able to use the software for like 2 seconds and haven't been able to get back into it since. BUT while I was in it, I made a couple of sweet works of art that I will now share with you fine people. Prepare to be blown away:

First Picture. My buddy Crossbow was riding my ass to send her a picture, and my drugged out brain came up with this.

Second Picture I was hella hungry. It did result in Crossbow bringing me some food though, so I'm good with that.

I could no longer get into my sweet Corel Painter, and turned to MS Paint. Don't hate on my mad skillz yo.

P.S. Fuck Kanser kiddies!

I crossed over to the dark side

noreply@blogger.com (Kay) — Sat, 09 May 2009 19:17:00 +0000

I realized I read several people's Tweets, and it's a pain for my drug addled brain to try to remember their addresses and all, so why not just join up and make it easier on myself? I'm all for anything that lets me be lazier, so if you love me, you'll go join up now, just for me. I believe in you.

http://twitter.com/kayfro

Plus, I can post from my phone, so you can get all the juicy details of my wonderfully amazing life instantly!

You know you want to...

Wicked Bored

noreply@blogger.com (Kay) — Sun, 03 May 2009 05:18:00 +0000

Got my back done again Thursday. Off work for a bit. Wicked bored. So tired of laying on my back (ha! That sounds way more dirty and fun that it really has been), so tired of Vicodin.

Bruises all over my hands and back. I told them and told them that I'm a hard stick... Tied my old record of 7 sticks to get the IV in. Swore at my Dr a LOT. ("Mother fucking mother fucker that hurts. Why would you want this for a job?? What the hell's wrong with you man?") Flirted with the cute nurse a lot... Swore more at the Dr. ("You're not cool anymore man, I don't like you." Dr starts singing "Why can't we be friends..." I say "Because you're fucking hurting me dude." He tells me the nurse will be my friend in a minute when she hooks me up with the good drugs. I reply that the nurse and I will go out for a beer after this, but he's not invited.) That office causes me the most pain of any in that hospital, but they are totally the most fun. Thus I have been back 4 times. I just can't stay away.

Drove the last 40 minutes to my house after my procedure cuz my friend sucks that much/cuz I'm that hardcore.

Lolo is driving me batshit crazy cuz she thinks "Mommy's home specifically to play with me!!!!" Her sitting on my shoulder squeaking an annoying as hell toy in my ear is not what I'm assuming my Dr had in mind when he ordered me to bedrest.

I'm fucking going out of my mind with boredom. You've probably been the recipient of many random texts or phone calls. Yeah... Those aren't stopping anytime soon. Sorry bout that.

My roomie hasn't come home yet... I think he's starting to avoid me...

Went to Texas a week or two ago for the medical thing. No love. Got drunk in Texas with some cops who were cool as fuck. Realized Texas is NOT the place to be when a sushi craving strikes. (PS, anyone else miss Sushi the Mermaid??) Had an encounter with a freakishly aggressive cougar. Like seriously aggressive. Like, dedicating overly suggestive Karaoke songs to me aggressive.

I'll be moving home to Washington in a couple months prolly, I'll let you know when I have a date for sure.

Oh what a day

noreply@blogger.com (Kay) — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 04:10:00 +0000

My poor Lolo got her girlie-part-altering surgery today. Happy half birthday baby...

I went to my Dr two hours away today. I was supposed to see cancer doc, then get some lunch, and have a chiropractor appt in the afternoon. Cancer doc then proceeds to be over an hour late (sadly, she's always at least an hour late), but as I was the first patient of the day, I foolishly thought this wouldn't happen. Wrong! Then she reviews my latest cancer scans and says "well, this one did not come back negative." And I say "Oh isn't that dandy..." Dandy. I used that word. So she says there's some "activity" going on in the right arm pit again (wtf is up with arm pits? Are they good for anything other than sweating and cancer? Thought not.) and the left groin area. I kinda giggled when she said groin. She said first we need to get some blood work done to check my tumor markers and other random blood levels. Then she also wants an ultrasound of the arm pit and a possible biopsy afterward. And you KNOW I'm looking forward to that.... Biopsy's are so fun! So what with all the tests and whatnot, I missed both my lunch and my chiropractic appt. Shaft.

The blood work usually comes back in an hour, I'm still waiting to hear back from my doc... It's 9 pm. I got my blood taken at noon. Yeah... Great doc eh? The ultrasound isn't scheduled till Tuesday next week. I'll keep you updated. It's very likely that it was all just a fluke, which is why all these backup tests are being taken. I already got my 3 bad things, so it's not possible that the Kanser is back. I'm not letting it. Plus, I just got my hair to an appropriate level of sexiness. I know I'm the hotness when I'm bald and all, but being bald during the summer? Sunburn? Really? No thanks.

My doc did me a solid today though. I was telling her about my upcoming back procedure, and she asked if I'd ever tried acupuncture. I said I'd thought about it but didn't know of a good person to try. The cancer doc who is one door down the hall just so happens to be certified... We walk out the door of her office, she introduces me to him, he says he's got some free time right now, and I say, "why not?" So Dr TinyNeedles says he's going to try sticking pins in my ears to get rid of my back pain. Still a bit sceptical and nervous at this point, I say ok. He uses these tiny gold pins, and some weird applicator, and just shoots them into your ear, one at a time. How he pics the spots I don't know. Voodoo magic probably. Then I have to walk up and down the hall, sit back down, and decide if it still hurts. 5 pins in my left ear, 3 in my right, and my back feels amazing. I'm to keep them in 4 to 5 days, but if they fall out on their own it's no big deal. When my back starts to hurt, I just rub some of the pins and it stops. The ears throb and hurt like crazy, but the back feels amazing. I highly recommend acupuncture to any of you who've been contemplating it. Do it now.

I'll keep you in the loop. Mostly I'm worried about my poor Lolo... She's making these sad little crying sounds. She's completely taken oven my heating pad, and I'm pretty sure she has no intention of giving it back. She ate dinner, she's sleeping a lot. Keep your fingers crossed for my baby. Mommy spent enough money on her surgery... At least that damn vet tax didn't pass...

Much love kids. I've got to figure out how to sleep with these little pins in my ears.

P.S. Jerk is back!!! Go love on him.

I've come to realize

noreply@blogger.com (Kay) — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 17:00:00 +0000

That I'm not such a great blogger when I'm happily paired up with someone. I'm a much better blogger when I'm doing miserable things like getting dumped (because someone not me got pregnant---remember that one? Oh snap!), or having cancer, having knee surgery, getting food poisoning (remind me to fill you in on that one), having ports put in or taken out (thus causing all sorts of bad port jokes to ensue), or other depressing, not so much living a normal life things.

And I'm ok with that.

So in efforts to become a better source of entertainment to all of you, I shall recap my week:

-Monday: normal monotony at work, Teriyaki from the best place ever for dinner

-Tuesday: Dr's appt 2 hours away, more love from my special Janitor Stalker, went do dog park where some undesirable dog tried to make sweet love to Lolo, Teriyaki from second-best place ever for dinner.

-Wednesday: Work goes crazy as everyone pretends we have a normal job while some VIP tours the building, Teriyaki from best place ever for dinner.

-Thursday: Work more monotonous, Teriyaki from best place ever for dinner (it is the best place ever because it is the best Teriyaki on earth. And because everyone who works there is cute). As soon as I finished eating the Teriyaki of Awesomeness (always eaten at home, always shared with Lolo), I felt immediate pain in my Tummy of Not-Quite-Steel. Lolo appeared to be ok. Pain didn't go away. I found my chlorox disinfectant wipes and cleaned the Porcelain Throne, because I knew what was coming. I worshipped that throne. The Tummy of Not-Quite-Steel didn't feel better. There was nothing left in it, but it still was not ok. All night it felt like a sucker punch had been sneaked in when I wasn't looking, mixed with nausea and odd hurty-hurtness.

Friday: I called my Dr first thing in the morning, got in at 9 (hello, 9??? I'm having a tummy emergency damnit!), and he was kinda a douche and said it was textbook Food Poisoning, and it'd go away. No magic pills of wonder, no excuse from work, nothing. Said call back if it didn't go away, never mind that it was Friday, and they're not open weekends. Dr Douche... I go to work, where my supervisor's supervisor sends me home (yea, he's not as big of a douche as we tell everyone he is).

I slept a lot.

I craved more teriyaki. I got uber hungry, and went to the so-not-in-the-same-league-as-to-practically-be-a-different-type-of-food-altogether Teriyaki House. It did not hit the spot, but I did not get violently ill...

On my way home to eat my unpleasant Teriyaki, some douche rear-ended me. I throw up my hands in the universal symbol of What-The-Fuck? and pull into the nearest parking lot when the light turns green. Dumb-shit-rear-ender-man pulls his Volvo in behind me. I make sure my Lolo love is ok (it was a little tap, more annoying than anything), and climb out to check my beastly lil truck.

A dirty looking hippie climbs out of the Volvo to check the damage he inflicted upon his own "car." My lil truck, I am pleased to report, has barely a scratch upon the plastic of it's step-up part of the bumper. Dirty hippie's Volvo has a busted headlight and some unpretty scratches on it's stupid bumper. Score one for Ford!

Dirty hippie claims he "dozed off for a second." I suspect he's more than a little bit high, and just want to get away before I get some sort of dirty contact high from his clothes.

Saturday: I decide that Lolo needs some Dog Park time, since she is driving me crazy with her energy, and she already had a bath Friday, AND joined in my shower that morning... (I swear she's half lab or something. I can't keep this monster out of water). I load everything up in the truck of awesomeness from the passenger side, then cross around the front to jump in, and we're off. ...For 10 feet. ...When I realize something is very wrong. The left rear tire is flatter than your mom's pancake booty.

I put the truck back and proceeded to freak out. I do not have AAA. I do not know how to change a tire, though I do have a spare tire. This is of no help to me, because I do not even have the strength required to open my own bottle of orange juice. At work I alternate who I have open it so the same person does not laugh at me every day.In the midst of my freak-out it was brought up that my insurance might call a tow truck for me. And they did. Apparently a tire change is covered under my towing package. Nice. For future safety, I got myself some AAA as well.

The dudes came and changed my tire, then I took the tire of holeyness and the Lolo of squirmyness to the tire patching place. 2 hours later!!!!! Lolo was actually a very good girl, sat in my lap the whole time. I decided to reward her by going to the Dog Park an hour away. We're there maybe 20 minutes when the Animal Control douche shows up and kicks out every dog who's not wearing their tags. 3 dogs remained... Lolo hates her collar, hates her tags, hates her harness too, but I make her wear that one.

So we went to the second-best Teriyaki house ever and got some din din to go. She's still my good lil angel, and my 3 things of shittiness are done, so my week's now lookin up.

Much love kids.

Questionnaire for potential CaliforniaKay courtship

noreply@blogger.com (Kay) — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 02:07:00 +0000

Please circle the answer that best fits you for the following questions (and remember, there are no wrong answers, but some answers may guarantee that CaliforniaKay isn't the girl for you).

-Do you, or does anyone close to you, consider you to be "crazy"?
Yes-----No-----Define "Crazy"

-Are you currently employed?
Yes-----No-----I'm in school-----On paper?

-Are you single?
Yes-----No-----Ish-----Depends on what your definition of "You" is

-Are you a girl?
Yes-----No-----I like to dress up like one and have people call me Candy

-Are you a boy?
Yes-----No-----I like to dress up like one and have people call me Bud

-Which best describes your hairstyle:
Clean-cut-----Long-----Greasy-----Mullet-----Permed-----"Natural"

-How often do you believe a shower is necessary:
Daily-----More than once daily-----Bi-Weekly-----Weekly-----Bi-Monthly

-A dog's place is
Outside-----Inside, not on furniture-----Depends on the size-----It's my baby!!!

-Do you do any of the following in your sleep:
Talk-----Sleepwalk-----Snore-----Punch-----Kick-----Stab-----Eat-----Drive Cars

-What food would you risk food poisoning for?
___________________________

-Do you dance?
Yes-----Not when people can see me-----No

-Which dance move would most embarrass you in public?
The Macarena-----The Sprinkler-----The "White Girl"-----A line dance

-The worst possbile thing that could happen on a first date:
__________________________________________________________

-Which of the following do you consider to be least a sport:
Cheerleading-----WNBA-----LPGA-----Any Golf League-----Professional Poker

If, after completing this list, you think you are a normal human, you should send it to me with a picture and your full name, so that I may mock you online for all to see. Again, send the info to californiakay@gmail.com

Let's put that lil post behind us

noreply@blogger.com (Kay) — Thu, 12 Mar 2009 19:27:00 +0000

I am now taking applications for my Rebound and for a new group of friends. Please email your reasons of why I should consider you to californiakay@gmail.com. Also, if you could post in the subject line which position you are applying for, that would save much confusion and possible embarrassment.

Moving on, it has now become all about Lolo. This face, the face of cuteness, is helping pull me back into the real world. We went to a doxie meetup last weekend, where the cuteness just sat there, and let people tell her how cute she was, instead of running around letting off some steam like her mommy intended. We're going to another meetup this weekend, and then doing this art-walk thing in downtown Sactown. My plan is to pimp Lolo's cuteness and find some new friends or just let random strangers tell me how cute my dog (and I) is/am/are.

I went to my chiropractor on Tuesday (after a 2.5 month back-procedure-induced-sabbatical), and my favorite stalker was waiting for me. He's this semi-short, nice seeming janitor-dude, and he's always trying to holla. So I made up a boyfriend (who in my mind resembles Michael Clarke Duncan. My Janitor Stalker asks on Tuesday if I'm single yet. I have to think for a few seconds, and say, nope... Sorry. And he's all, "That sucks." Then I reply, "Uh, actually that's good for me, I don't want to be dumped." Then he's all "I'll wait for you." I'm rather stuptified by this comment, so I say "...uh, ok..." Then he's all thinking it's a plan, and repeats "I wait for you, ok." And I was so about to laugh and said I had to go, because I did in fact need to get to my appointment. So now the question is, how do I deal with having to go to my Chiropractor every Tuesday and manage to avoid my stalker until my next back procedure on 30 April? Seriously, open to all suggestions on this one...

I've got to get back to work, lunch break's over. Much love and puppy kisses to you.

noreply@blogger.com (Kay) — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 04:59:00 +0000

During the daytime I'm mostly ok. You can get through anything by pretending it doens't exsist. Nights are harder though. At night you can't ignore the fact that you're in the wrong bed, and that you're in it alone.

I miss my best friend. Miss my confidant. Miss my companion in all things. Miss my lover. I miss waking up next to someone so gorgeous, someone who just waking up next to is enough to bring a smile to your face. I miss having a hand to hold. I miss our laughter. I miss watching tv and snuggling on the couch under a pile of blankets. I miss deciding what to have for dinner. I miss lazy weekends and grocery shopping. I miss having a reason to leave work, to hurry home from the gym. I miss the texts, the emails, the phone calls on the drive home. I miss you.