You Want A Blog Post?

Oh I got your blog post.

RIGHT HERE: https://twitter.com/#!/kayfro

Bottom up. Don't whine. It's not like you pay me to do this. It's not like I'd change anything if you did.

Morning after edit: A lot of investigating seems to go on when Kaylena drinks. FYI: I don't drink as often as I talk or think about drinking. Not anymore. I honestly just don't care for alcohol. 4 shots were involved last night. Total. I took 3 and then about 30 minutes later took the 4th. And there was at least 2 hours of stalling and trying to distract the pain away where I avoided the kitchen counter where the shots were sitting. Make no mistake, I was trashed. But I am ridiculously anal about getting spelling right, much more so when drunk. Drunk me has always been better at journaling, emailing and writing things down that sober me. Perhaps I'm more Hemingway than I ever knew.

Tweets
1m Kay @kayfro @cranberrytarts Ok, give me a second to locate it. I can put it in Roomie's bed, right? I don't have to sleep with it, do I?
4m Kay @kayfro @cranberrytarts I feel the need to go tuck my Peanut Butter in so no one can call me a bad baker...
6m Kay @kayfro @cranberrytarts You put the peanutbutter to bed? How cute. (Yeah, I know what you really mean, it's just so fun to twist it.)
6m Kay @kayfro Followed, of course, by "YOU'RE A WANKER NUMBER NINE!"
7m Kay @kayfro Resisting Urge to climb on top of vehicle and shout "Luce, I can do this. I CAN DOOOO THIS!"
8m Kay @kayfro Drunken job applications, couldn't hurt, right?
12m Kay @kayfro I feel like putting on my old Uni's & sneaking around the 'burb, but thanks to the Neighborhood Watch I know corner-dude has security cams.
15m Kay @kayfro Note to self: Eating your ring would be bad. When you sober up, you will find it under the KitchenAid
17m Kay @kayfro What a bitch.
17m Kay @kayfro My dog seems less than impressed by the finger-guns.
19m Kay @kayfro Can't we just vote for mickey mouse or something?
20m Kay @kayfro WAIT. RON PAUL IS STILL ALIVE?!
20m Kay @kayfro Ugh. News. I thought I avoided having to watch that GD debate.
21m Kay @kayfro Oh you "Have me covered" do you, California Ford Dealer? Then where is the Ranger, huh? You douches.
26m Kay @kayfro HOW IS EVERYONE ASLEEP?! It is not that late people! And I am not THAT drunk...
38m Kay @kayfro Considering ordering pizza but insisting they deliver to the kitchen window, not the front door. While wearing this: google.com/imgres?um=1&hl…
57m Kay @kayfro How the fuck is it not even 10 30?! I thought it was at least tomorrow, maybe even Friday by now. Fuckin-A
58m Kay @kayfro OMG IS SVU ON?! Am I missing this? Thank goodness for DVR.
1h Kay @kayfro That's going on my resume. 72 WPM sober, 68 WPM drunk-No Typos. FUCK YES.
1h Kay @kayfro 68 WPM DRUNK WITH NO TYPOS. SUCK IT!
1h Kay @kayfro You are so fucking welcome that I'm OCD about getting all the spelling right, you have no idea. If I just let all the drunken typo's go...
1h Kay @kayfro Uh oh. We have new emails. What have you DONE Drunk Kay?!
1h Kay @kayfro M'k. I'm not unconvinced that the house next door is actually just a weed-grow-house. Who wants to investigate?
1h Kay @kayfro OMG DO I HEAR AN ICE CREAM TRUCK?! Let's investigate.
1h Kay @kayfro If I don't lose 10% of my followers tonight, I'm not doing this drunk thing right.
1h Kay @kayfro Leaning heavily on counter. Elbow slipped. Near death experience. So much laughing.
1h Kay @kayfro Holy. Fucking. Lightweight. I feel the need to bite someone. If I tip the delivery person extra, I can do that, right?
1h Kay @kayfro Getting drunk for the first time in months on the first day of Lent just feels right. #GoingToHell #SaveYouASeat?
1h Kay @kayfro I would totally order some sort of unhealthy delivery right now, but.... I don't want to have to take this hat off when they get here.
1h Kay @kayfro I will never, EVER post anything online or anywhere with my real name. And fuck ever meeting a #1 Fan. Did you people not see Misery?!
2h Kay @kayfro I just called someone a cuntsicle. I forgot how much I love Drunk Kay.
2h Kay @kayfro I don't Law and Order (any of them) would have lasted nearly as long without the *dun dun*
2h Kay @kayfro Ok, why didn't anyone warn me I'd be wanting Taco Hell BEFORE I took those shots?
2h Kay @kayfro Just caught dog drinking a ton of water. So THIS is what she does to make me get up 3 times a night. Asshole.
2h Kay @kayfro I've decided Roomie is like the runaway bride. Except she drives them away. Do normal girls change so drastically for guys?
2h Kay @kayfro Ok, this is happening. Shots, meet empty stomach.
3h Kay @kayfro I feel cheated. Today's acupuncture doc was not young, not cute and I didn't even have to strip. What a waste of a shave.
4h Kay @kayfro I love you Twitter. When you're here, I never have to drink alone.
4h Kay @kayfro FUCK Electro-Acupuncture. Shit in my back is pissed. There will be excessive drinking starting now.
4h Kay @kayfro I would like to clarify: #myvaginahatessantorum was all @Molly_Kats I just needed you to recognize the awesomeness.
5h Kay @kayfro Even hash-tag haters have to admit this is the best one ever: #myvaginahatessantorum
5h Verifried Drunk™®© @VerifiedDrunk You had me at let’s go and lost me at camping.
Retweeted by Kay
12 Feb Sherry @facciabella Confidence is hot. Put it on. Wear it well. Retweeted by Kay
8h Kay @kayfro 4 days without any cookies, baked goods or yummy carbs of any kind. I don't care that my fibro doesn't hurt, I want a GODDAMNED COOKIE
9h Kay @kayfro I want friends who will let me fake kill them and take pictures damn it! Or, you know, just friends in the same state.

Buzzed Baking presents: Red Velvet Cupcakes

In honor of a dear friend's failure, I decided to bake her FailCakes. But then I realized my back and knees were killing me, so I self-medicated with my equally dear friend Mr. Patron.

Here is the diary of Buzzed FailCakes:

Did the dishes
Got out Martha Stewart's Cupcakes cookbook
2 shots of tequila
Made a shopping list
Looked at my glorious hair
Got out a bowl
Put on black Adidas with cute little stars
Got out 2 eggs
Put on a hat (for hairnet/sanitation reasons)
Got out the milk
Put 88 songs on a new playlist
Another shot of tequila
Mixing of ingredients as directed by Ms. Stewart
Apple cider vinegar is the same as white vinegar right? RIGHT!
Ooh look, foamies.
Hmmm, the batter's not red... Maybe it's in the baking
Begins to suspect that the FailCakes will become actual Failcakes.
Puts first batch into oven
Putting more batter in more paper cups
*opens oven halfway thru bake time* That's not red!!!
*Timer sounds* Yep, those are definitely brown
We can call them Brown Velvet right? Same thing?
Mmmmmm, tastes like Failure. You know what Failure needs? More Tequila!
Wait, what does Red Velvet taste like anyway?
Let's make the frosting, maybe that'll fix it.
Another shot of tequila


Final Analysis: Good, but these cupcakes are in no way red.

Its 1:30

I have no idea what day it is.

I have had 5 or 6 shots of tequila since last night.

My back still hurts...It might be time to call the VA...

I am currently making pasta.

I am supposed to be updating you with lovely stories of something or other, but anyone who has followed me for any length of time knows that I lie about updates.

I have wasted a few hours on Texts From Last Night today. It makes me laugh till I cry and I hurt. And then I laugh some more.

I have planned out the menu for Friday's sleepover. (Blush pasta, creme brulee for dessert, with homemade cinnamon rolls for breakfast.) All diets will die a horrible, twisted death on Friday.

I made lemon curd for some reason I have not yet deduced.

I came up with an epic story about epicness that I spent 4 hours researching info for this morning (yesterday morning?), only to not know how to end it, and leave it barely started but lingering in the back of my brain.

I was introduced to a horrifying blog that made me realize that my hair is much, much gayer than I had ever thought.

I am totally listening to Selena Gomez's Kiss & Tell CD right now.

This girl just learned that wall sits make her knees feel like they're going to explode. Oops.

And now my pasta's done.

Love love,
Kay

Wicked Bored

Got my back done again Thursday. Off work for a bit. Wicked bored. So tired of laying on my back (ha! That sounds way more dirty and fun that it really has been), so tired of Vicodin.

Bruises all over my hands and back. I told them and told them that I'm a hard stick... Tied my old record of 7 sticks to get the IV in. Swore at my Dr a LOT. ("Mother fucking mother fucker that hurts. Why would you want this for a job?? What the hell's wrong with you man?") Flirted with the cute nurse a lot... Swore more at the Dr. ("You're not cool anymore man, I don't like you." Dr starts singing "Why can't we be friends..." I say "Because you're fucking hurting me dude." He tells me the nurse will be my friend in a minute when she hooks me up with the good drugs. I reply that the nurse and I will go out for a beer after this, but he's not invited.) That office causes me the most pain of any in that hospital, but they are totally the most fun. Thus I have been back 4 times. I just can't stay away.

Drove the last 40 minutes to my house after my procedure cuz my friend sucks that much/cuz I'm that hardcore.

Lolo is driving me batshit crazy cuz she thinks "Mommy's home specifically to play with me!!!!" Her sitting on my shoulder squeaking an annoying as hell toy in my ear is not what I'm assuming my Dr had in mind when he ordered me to bedrest.

I'm fucking going out of my mind with boredom. You've probably been the recipient of many random texts or phone calls. Yeah... Those aren't stopping anytime soon. Sorry bout that.

My roomie hasn't come home yet... I think he's starting to avoid me...

Went to Texas a week or two ago for the medical thing. No love. Got drunk in Texas with some cops who were cool as fuck. Realized Texas is NOT the place to be when a sushi craving strikes. (PS, anyone else miss Sushi the Mermaid??) Had an encounter with a freakishly aggressive cougar. Like seriously aggressive. Like, dedicating overly suggestive Karaoke songs to me aggressive.

I'll be moving home to Washington in a couple months prolly, I'll let you know when I have a date for sure.