Time Flies

Wow. I sit here, one week from my last Chemoversary and I cannot believe how time has flown by. So very many things have happened in the last year, I don't even know where to begin. Honestly, about the only way I mark the passing of time anymore is how many years out I am from that last Chemo. 7 more days and we'll have hit 4 years with "no evidence of disease." And I still have nightmares where I wake up in a cold sweat, having been told that the cancer is back. Fuck cancer.

I stayed in Washington for just over two years before admitting that I couldn't handle the rain. I'm back in NorCal and I'm happy with the move. There have been good things in my world and there have been bad things. Mostly I am left with a huge amount of gratitude and love. You people are amazing and I should have kept in touch. I apologize. I've let a lot of relationships slide.

Christmas is just days away; that blows my mind. I'm not going home this year. I haven't decorated. I haven't even shopped. It's just another month in just another year. I'm not feeling it. And honestly, I'm not really feeling my family either.

Lolo and I are just sitting on the couch chilling, I'm waiting for drugs to kick in and it's hitting me: the more time goes on, the more that things change, the more they really stay the same. I love you all and am so very thankful to have had you in my world. I wish you and yours a happy holiday season, no matter what you do or do not celebrate. Be well and Fuck Cancer.

3 years: Still Fucking Cancer

Today marks three years since my last chemo. This anniversary snuck up on me, even though I just had an MRI a week ago to make sure I don't have any Kanser going on up in this business. I will be getting scans every 6 months, and checking in with my Oncologist just as often, for at least the next few years.

I am so very glad to still be Cancer Free, though my new Kanser Doc seems to be focused on breast cancer as my highest risk from here out. Chemo is an effective treatment, but it certainly jacks up your body, and I hope to never have need of it again.

Fuck Cancer! Or, if you prefer, Fuck Kanser! And thank you to all my amazing doctors and friends.

Goodness gracious, the year's almost over.

I've never really been one for resolutions. I thought about jacking Sushi's Year In Review, but that looks like a lot of work. We'll see how long the Vicodin keeps me awake, and honestly, my memory's not so great. Not sure I could think back that far.

I was just thinking, I've been truly blessed this year in my friends. I've got a pretty awesome support group. The year kind of turned into a shit fest for me, but my friends have all been there, making fun of my crippled ass and making me laugh (which is really the most important thing.)

And I don't just mean the friends who I see on a day-to-day basis. Most of you I've never met, but I love you to death, and I appreciate all the good vibes and support you've thrown my way. I've whined about laxatives and joint pain, and wonderful little miracles of medicine that won't do their fucking job, and falling off the curb like a tard, and you put up with my shit and tell me it'll be alright, and that I look awesome bald (like I didn't know that... Come on, it's me. I could rock an orange jumpsuit and a mullet and make that shit look sexy. But if I ever do... Please hit me. Mullets are not the hotness.) And I just love you kids. So thank you.

I want to hunt each of you down and give you a big ole hug. But not like a full-on frontal hug. I'm not down with that. Maybe just one of those one-arm hugs. With a couple pats on the back.

I was trying to explain to my mother when she was here about all of you, (And about this crazy canadian chick I need to go visit, especially once I move back home and am just a few hours away), and she got all weirded out. She's all, "You know them thru the internet? You don't know who they really are. That chick could be some man in prison somewhere..." But it's not like that. And even if Cher is some weird dude in prison who likes impersonating canadian chicks, I full on love you man. And that goes for all of you. I full on love you. In a strictly platonic way of course.