Some people are no fun

Crossbow came home last night (at like 11pm)! Since she's been gone for a few months, several of us had to meet her at the airport, just to give her some love. TGG and I made welcome home signs last weekend: The generic "We missed you" "We heart you" "Welcome home Grandma" (just a nickname), and then a couple because I'm "creative/easily bored." "Welcome home Hooker" and "You smell like Beef and Cheese." So we get to the airport and see Crossbow's husband, another chick from work, and Crossbow's sister (who totally kicks ass) and a friend. Crossbow's sister's sign totally topped ours. It was a really long one, requiring two people to hold it, reading "Welcome home Bitch!" Our little grouping of signs got so many looks. One couple was coming down the escalator, and upon reading the WH Bitch sign, the man points at the woman and mouths "It's her sign!" She didn't see him for a few seconds, then turns around and gets all offended. It was good, clean family fun.

In other news, I've been housesitting for ChopStyx and co all week. They're in Hawaii. Totally unfair right? Styx's dog (and her daddy's dog) are a weiner dog and a pug, and we've had lots of fun. They insist on sleeping with you, and not just in the bed with you, but all up in your space so you can't move. They really like to each be on opposite sides of you, and wedge you in so you have no hope of sleeping comfortably. The WeinerDog is a sneaky little shit too. You move her to the foot of the bed, or ever just over a foot or so, and before you're laying back down again she'd back in the spot you just moved her from. This Move-The-Dog isn't exactly my favorite bedtime game, so eventually I just gave up and let her sleep where she wanted. That win goes to the dogs. To even up the playing field a bit (and for my own sanity) I gave them both a bath a couple nights ago. I think the smell of dog is one of my least favorite scents. It took two shampooings each pooch, but they no longer smell of dog. They don't smell like roses, but I still count this as a victory.

Work is the bullshit. I try to be there as little as possible. They're still screwing me over on my medical stuff, and dragging it out, so yes, I'm still here in NorCal, and it looks like I will be till at least after the first of the year. They don't even know what to do with me there. I've become the go-to person for all the most retarded, frustrating special projects. If I have to organize one more office social function I'm pretty sure I'm going to go postal.

ThanksGivingGirl has the cutest Chinese Shar Pei ever (ThanksGivingDog), and she's been trying to find a new home for her. TGG is moving in December (to the east coast no less) and can't find a house/apartment that will allow her to bring her dog. She IS able to keep the cats though. Her parents and siblings have other dogs that just don't get along well with other females (I believe TGDog is 3) so that's a no-go. I'd love to take her, but with my future destination so up in the air, I can't. ChopStyx's dogs don't get along well with bigger dogs, and my parents can't take her because their Precious Princess doesn't realize she is in fact a dog, and therefor does NOT like other dogs. So if any of you know someone looking for a Shar Pei, she's good with kids (TGG as a 3 year old boy who grew up with the dog) and cats. She's already had her eyes "done" (Shar Pei's have a nasty breed habit of their eyelids kind of flipping in which irritates the eye like nothing else, so many need surgery to fix it).

Getting back to the title of the post, there's a new girl at work. As you may have gathered from the welcome home signs, we're a pretty fun-loving, name calling group. Mostly we insult everyone's mom, and call each other hooker, cripple (that'd be me), grandma, and ho-bag. So I was passing the new girl in the hall, and said "What up hooker?" She turns back and says "I don't play like that." I'm all, "Ok, my bad." And she has to emphasize (in all her I-have-no-personality glory) "No, but seriously, I don't play like that ok?" And I'm all, "Yeah man, I get it." Fuckin get a personalty bi-otch. Otherwise we're all going to join TGG in stealing your animal crackers. She'll probably file a report on us for taking them too, that's how lame this robot toolbag is.

The microwave is declaring that my pizza is reheated, so I'm outta here. Word to your motha.

Robert, It's fine with me if you're gay dear

I love Raymond.

I saw my new doctor yesterday. She said I definitely have patellofemoral syndrome, but since I've now got pain in all my other joints, that's probably not all that I've got going on. Which is perhaps why my knees refuse to fix themselves no matter what I try.

So NewDoc tells me to get a bunch of blood work immediately, and she wants to go into my right knee, because she believes I've got a tear in my miniscus, which is what's been causing my right knee to give. Peachy. Blood, needles, and surgery. 3 things I'm not a fan of. Then outside the little smelly room I was in, she asks her nurse/receptionist to schedule me a surgery date and the woman asks if I'm doing anything May 8th. As in just over 2 weeks. I say, nope, I'm free, and she writes me down. I start going into shock. Shock that compounds when NewDoc hands me the paperwork with all the blood tests she wants done. There are 7 of them listed on there people. I'm standing there imagining the gallons of blood they're going to need to perform such tests.

So I go back to my primary care people and they order the tests so I go to the lab and check in. I warn the dude I'm not such a big fan of needles, or of my blood being outside of me. He was a good lab tech tho. He got me all distracted and took 6 bottles of blood before I knew it.

I've been told Pie-Cat's new name for today is LoopyLufwafa. She gets a new nickname every day. I've heard that Lufwafa's are very lovable.

Back to the knees, the receptionist chick called me today and said all my appointments are scheduled and call her for the info. Dude... I'm having surgery...

MarkyMark sent me a package and I got it today! I love getting packages. It was just lots of little silliness.

Crossbow said she'll make sure someone takes me to and from my surgery, and they'll all take turns driving me, and getting me whatever I need. And by all that means Bow, ThanksgivingGirl, Hefe and that's probably it. Hefe told me yesterday that he's going to tell the big boss that he needs to be on call for me 24 hours a day to make soup runs or whatever. Silly Hefe's just trying to scam out of work. Not that I blame him... It's a good idea. And Crossbow and ThanksgivingGirl just want me to hurry up and get a handicapped parking pass. I love those crazy cats. Love love love.

I took my sleepy pills a while ago, and it's getting tired to type straight, so I've got to go. Please forgive spelling mistakes, I don't care right now.

Don't be a Fwaf!

Why do I wait to post till Friday?

So, I've had so many things running around in my head all week I wasn't sure what to post first. And now the week's gone, I'm home alone on a Friday night, all hopped up on my Vic (cuz I decided to live it up tonight kiddies. Ooh, watch out!), and ready to stop being just a blog-stalker, and spew the inner-workings of my deformed brain with you all.

I'm no good at twirling my cane.

Holly, my cane looks just like this shit. Except my rubber cap thing is black. It's rather lame, I know. It's what the physical therapist gave me. I haven't yet had an opportunity to get one that's more pimp.

I want this cane, it's fuckin awesome!

Oh yes it totally is awesome. Shut up, what do you know about canes anyway?

I went back to the Nugget Market last weekend, and Larrythewineguy said they're still out of the Lambrusco (Bruscus Lambrusco that is, all the other Lambrusco's I've tried have sucked major ass), and I might have to wait till the next press (or whatever the fuck wine term he used that breaks down to "next season") to get more. That means I have to wait till August people! If I have to wait that long, I'm going to buy so much of it, people will think Prohibition's about to come back. That's right. I'm gonna hoard that shit like a fat guy hoards toilet paper.

I found a place near me that sells Kokanee! Score! So apparently there are only two places in all the land (read: California) that sell my shit, and I lucked out cuz they're both in Nor-Cal. If you want to find out where you can score some Kokanee, don't go to the website, it's a total ass-muffin in the help department. Instead, call the number I found listed on the bottle: 1-800-Kokanee. They're open 7-5 pacific time, and the chick I talked to was very nice. If you can't find a distributor near you, then fly out here, the party's at my place. I'll pick you up at Sac International. If you fly into San Fran, you're on your own bitches!

Marky-Mark said to tell you PieCat caught a bird today.

You don't know Marky-Mark.

That's PieCat being all ashamed of her bird-crippling self.

I got PieCat for Marky-Mark right before I left Washington. PieCat's my sweet babygirl. After she's had a couple days to remember me that is...

I spent most of last weekend with ThanksgivingGirl. We went to the mall, went to a movie, went to Cold Stone (best shit ever), went to Nugget Market, and then kicked it at her house with her adorable dog and cat and watched a marathon of America's Next Top Model. She's a complete tool to that show, and now has me quite addicted.

ThanksgivingDog

On Tuesday I went over to Choncho's house to kick it with his 6 year old so Choncho and the wife could go shop for 6YearOld's birthday presents. I don't call it baby-sitting, because I love this kid to death. I've kicked it with 6YearOld before, and it's always a blast. I've picked him up from school, and kept an eye on him several times. I was just glad they didn't leave me the new 2 month old. Babies freak me out. I like them in the walking, semi-talking, tell-me-what's-wrong stage. Plus, they tend to laugh at my silly jokes more that way.

6YearOld won a Nintendo Wii at church last week, and Choncho asked me if I'd hook it up while they were out. Hell-to-the-yes! 6YearOld was all over it trying to help me, and he actually seemed to know what he was doing. Dudes, the Wii is soooo much fun. And we were just playing the game that comes with the system (it has Tennis, Baseball, Golf, Bowling, and Boxing). I suck ass at the Golf, but that Boxing was the shit man! I totally want a Wii now. Me and 6YearOld ordered some pizza, and he stole my cane and hid it twice. Did I mention I fucking love that kid? He kept saying he liked me, and I was fun. What an ego boost. And then he made a comparison of me to his grandma. I asked him how old he thought I was, and he said "500!" I got all stern and told him I was only 498, thank-you-very-much, and he collapsed into giggles. I love it when he giggles. He's my silly little boy. Last time I kicked it with him, we played Jinks (how do you spell that shit?) and he beat me twice. I ended up owing him an orange soda and a vanilla cupcake with chocolate frosting and sprinkles. I made his cupcakes the next day and sent them home with Choncho (since he works in my building).

I love other people's kids. I wish my siblings were old enough that I could have some nieces and nephews (please, not any time soon for those two though. You hear me Lord?) They're just so much fun. ThanksgivingGirl has the cutest little 2 1/2 year old, and he knows my name! (A major accomplishment since some of the other people from work freak him out and and sometimes make him cry.) He's a little gum whore too, always hitting me up for more (and I always give it to him. So so cute.) He knows an easy mark when he sees one.

Ok kids, this has turned into a damn bible, so that's all for now. And I know I still have to post about my weekend in Washington. I'll get to it...


P.S. I go to a new Orthopedic Doc on Monday to look into the knees. I hope this chick tells me something other than the standard "It should go away on it's own;" especially since now all my other joints are fucked up.

A dream is just a dream. A goal is a dream with a plan and a deadline

Last night, along with trying to get my buzz on and posting incoherently, I found myself doing a little Myspace Stalking. Thank the Lord I'm not the only one who does this. It started with checking a friend's page to see what she was up to (StapleGun actually) and then I found a mutual friend of ours in her Friends link, then stalked a few more people from MutualFriend's page. And Some of MutualFriend's friends have really pretty eyes. I love eyes. I can fall into crushdom with someone based on eyes alone. I spose it's wrong of me to stalk on Myspace when I have my page set up so people can't do that to me. I'm just very guarded. I'd even prefer to be able to have some sort of semi-friend list that is different than what your real friends can see. Cuz some of the people on there... I had my blog on there set up to preferred list only, and I was getting comments from people not on it. Not a safe feeling. I almost want to delete my Myspace or have one set up for just a few of my friends. I'm just too uncomfortable with the whole if-they-can-find-it-they-can-read-it way that the system works. I don't want to be found. Even by people I went to high school with, or work with, or anything. If you're a friend, you already know how to find me, if you're not... Don't fucking look. I don't want to talk to you. It's just akwardness I'm not looking to initiate.
(*warning: family ranting bullshit from this point forward*) That, and the fact that my Mother is on there. How lame is that shit I ask you. And my brother. There's shit in my life I really don't need them knowing. I quit sending bulletins and blogging on my Myspace mostly because of my wonderful family. I don't like my family all up in my business; and they seem to think that because we're family, it's their right. It's only blood fools. My family was an interesting one to grow up in. I'm not gonna bitch (anymore than I have), it just resulted in us not being very close. Or maybe I just rebelled against their beliefs and shit, who knows. I just don't want them all close. I consider my friends my family. Maybe because my friends won't let me down, or judge me like my family does, I don't know. My friends (my family of friends) are very important to me, more so than my actual family. I'd do anything for them, and they for me. So Hefe, Crossbow, StapleGun, MarkyMark, ThanksgivingGirl and of course all of you out there in Bloggerland, I love you guys. Thanks for letting me be me.