Flailing: The Not As Funny Update

These songs sum up everything I'm feeling right now:

The Florida Sessions (Demos) 021612: Birdsong

The Florida Sessions (Demos) 021412: The Blank Canvas

I've been living inside my head a lot lately. Some of it as I try to remember facts and details to put together stories. Some of it as I try to reevaluate and figure out what the hell I'm doing with my life. I'll be 27 soon and I never thought this is where I'd be. I've always looked forward to my late 20s. I was supposed to have my shit together by now.

I'm flailing. I am rethinking everything. I've made so many mistakes and I'm starting to wonder if moving to California was one of them. I needed to move. And I do love it here. But everyone I once knew has moved on. Everything I used to know has changed. I know that I need to go out and make new memories and establish a new normal, but every single time I do I get sick for a week or two or three and end up right back where I started.

I have never failed at anything as epicly as I have the past few months. I am in a downward spiral of fail and while I've never felt as free as I do when I contemplate rebuilding, I've never felt as paralyzed by fear either.

Today I'm torn between climbing further into my head and getting out and walking my dog and cleaning the house (I've been sick for two weeks. It needs love) and completely avoiding all the things inside my head.

I feel the need to make some major changes. To cut some people from my world and reconnect with others. To get rid of everything and start over. And even the need to move again. But for now, I'll go walk because that seems to be what Lolo wants the most. At least she knows what to do.