Yes, I've been horrilbly horrible

The parentals got here at 8 ish this morning. We went to IHOP to get some breakfast, talked some, and now they're sleeping. They were on the road for 14 ish hours? Maybe more. I don't know. They stop to eat real meals, MarkyMark and I usually eat in the truck. I'm not sure how long I should expect them to crash for. MarkyMark and I are usually out for about 12 hours after that marathon drive, but my parents are different.

As I'm sure you've guessed, I took today off work. I suppose I didn't really need to, since they'll be sleeping all day, but whatever.

Sorry I've been AWOL. I either haven't had anything to say, or I've been so beat by the time that I get home that I just completely crash. I don't even cook dinner most nights, just pass out.

I got Starbucks with Hefe last night, and we just chilled at his house talking till like 11. I don't know what it is, but me and that guy can just talk about the randomest shit for hours. We only shut up last night cuz I looked at my phone and saw that it was 11, and he had to work today. I stopped in at a 24 hour store for some necessary groceries last night, and ended up talkin to some weird (and I think drunk) dude for like 15 minutes. It was funny, he was going on and on about how Sacramento has a secret fued going on between all the different races, and how houses get burned down and shit. Crazy dude...

When I got home I cleaned up the house some. Just tryin to make it not appear to be so much of a war zone. I think I finally went to bed at 1 something.

When I went to my orthopedic surgeon last week she said my knee's lookin great, and I don't need to see her anymore. I was tellin her about my new problem, and she gave me about 2 week's worth of pills, and said to call her and let her know if they were working or not, and she'd write me a perscription. I guess these pills are something they've started using on people with Fibromyalgia. Dudes, they are the shit. While they don't take away all my pain (nothing does anyway), they do make it so I don't get the brain fog, which my last pills didn't do. This doc is fucking awesome. She said she was helpin me out cuz she likes me, and doesn't think someone my age needs to be using a frickin cane to walk. After she said that though I started thinking, why does this chick like me? I mean, there's nothing I could really see. It's been bugging me. She told me if there's ever anything I need, just call and she'll try to help me out. Which is awesome, but that I don't know why is bugging me. I know, just shut up Kay.

Then I met with my normal doc Tuesday, just to follow up on my million things going on. I've got a pre-op on the 6th, and surgery on the 15th. He said the Cat scan results (I've had two) can't tell if my lump/tumor/whatever in my neck is benign or malignant, so they definately want it out. They'll do testing on the tissue afterwards to find out if it's bad news. So I'll be out of work approx 5 days for that. Then after I'm fixed up from that I need to get the wisdom teeth out. And why wouldn't I be blessed with all four? My dentist said the bottom ones are in sideways, so they'll need to drill those bad boys out. It's cool though. After my first surgery I'm not really freakin out anymore. I'm cool with anyone cutting into me for whatever they need. I know it'll be alright. I'm not looking forward to the IV, but I'll do whatever I need to to get this shit straightened out.

(If you're a bit queasy about blood and needles you might just want to skip this):
I set a new personal record at the Lab this week. I needed one more blood test, just one little bottle. I walked in and said, "I don't want to be that guy, but can I request that either *Betty* or *Wilma* draw my blood today?" The chick sitting at the desk (we'll call her Pebbles, since she's a bit younger than my requested techs) remembered me, since she tries every time I go in there to get my blood, and fails every time. So Betty tried first, and stuck my right arm, with no love. Then I asked if she wanted to go for the hand, since that's what she had success with last time. She said if I was down, she'd give it a try. No love there either. The vein was moving in my hand, it just kept scooting away from the needle. Betty says she's done, and Pebbles asks if she can give it a try, since Wilma works in another part of the clinic now, and they're only to call her for emergencies. I tell Pebbles to go for it, I don't have a preference who tries. She also tries the right arm, since the veins there just feel better than the left arm. No love. The ladies feel so bad that they keep stabbing and stabbing me, but I feel bad because I'm making their job suck. Pebbles only tries once, then calls Wilma. So we're waiting for her to get there, and I ask if I can just paper-cut my finger and squeeze the blood into the little tube or something. They laughed and said they wished. Wilma shows, and they already have her little lab coat ready and waiting. I tell her that she's the super-hero who always sticks it on the first try, and she laughed and said I probally jinxsed her now. She tried the left arm, since the other was rather pin-cushioned by this time. No love. She must have nicked it or something though, cuz by the time she pulled the needle out there was a nice bruise already forming. So she went back to the right arm, and gets the vein instantly. They fill the little bottle in no time, and tape me up. I told them that I love them all, but really hope I don't have to come back and see them ever again. They're a great bunch of ladies, it's just not fun for any of us when I have to come see them. My doc even apologizes every time he has to send me to the lab. I'm not a squeamish about the needles anymore, though I don't like them by a long shot. I just try to joke and laugh about it, cuz otherwise it'll blow. And laughing's always fun. I know it's gonna suck, they know it's gonna suck, so why not at least have some fun with it? Maybe I should just learn to do it myself. Some other dude walked in for his own bloodwork when I was on my 4th poke, and he was watching all the trouble it was with me. I told him that they're all very good at their job... He laughed and didn't look so sure at all.

It was just MarkyMark's birthday. It kind of sucks not being able to celebrate birthdays together, but I get to make up for it soon. I love MarkyMark. We had quite a scare the other day because PieCat was missing. Marky was really starting to worry about her, she'd been missing for about 8 hours. PieCat was found in the shed, apparently MarkyMark's gramp had locked her in there on accident. MarkyMark washed her up, and she has barely left Marky's side since. Poor girl.

When my grandmother went on her little road trip this summer, her and gramps stopped at some garage sales (as usual), and found something they thought was perfect for me. I admit, when I first heard about it I said Hell-to-the-no! To my grams. Yeah, I'm a great kid... But then the idea started to not be quite as creepy. And now that's it's arrived (my parents brought him), I think it's mad cool. Everyone, I'd like to introduce you to Rowdy (his tempory name, a homage to the stuffed dog on Scrubs). I keep catching him out of the corner of my eye and thinking he's moved. I keep freakin myself out. But I love him. How many people do you know that have someone's taxidermied dog from a garage sale in their freakin house? I'm not too sure MarkyMark will find it as awesome as I do...


Crossbow's off in Texas for some sort of super-special training. She won't be back till late September. By that time Hefe will be gone for his bullshit in North Carolina. And ThanksgivingGirl's leaving to go home to the east coast for 2 weeks. All my bro's are leaving me. I was thinking the other day, and I really need to get out and get some new friends. Really. Cuz in our job, you never know, they could decide to transfer any of my buds at any time. And then I'm completely assed out. I guess everyone doing their training and vacations just has me depressed or some shit. It just blows that once you get close to someone they leave (StapleGun, Choncho's leaving this weekend, SwimBoy has like a month left till his contract's up and he'll be leaving. He doesn't want to renew the contract, the wifey wants to move back to her home state of Florida.) I need friends that aren't from my work, so I don't have to worry about them leaving my ass all the time.

Whatever, I've rambled long enough, I'm gonna take a nap. Much love to you all, and I'll try to update more often. Try.

It's almost the weekend. Almost.

I've got a 4 day weekend coming up, and I'm going to enjoy the hell out of it. Well, I'll do the best I can from my crutches. I think it's time to go out and get trashed again, but we'll see. I didn't go out at all with StapleGun while she was here. That makes me a bit sad, she's always a blast. The timing was just never right though. Crossbow just went home to TheBay and went out with her old homies, so not sure if she'll be down. I should probably start packing my shit up, but I know I won't. I'm a bit of a procrastinator. Just a wee bit.

Look at the beauty of Mi Casa! It's the downstairs part with the open door. A big beautiful beauty. June first that new house is mine kids! I don't have words to convey just how happy this makes me. And I know the place isn't new; it's actually rather old, but that's part of its charm. This will be the first place that's mine and only mine. I have no idea what I'm going to do with 3 freakin bedrooms, Lord knows I don't have enough furniture to fill it... Me and Hefe have joked about him moving in with me, but I doubt that'll happen. He's got his own place, and I know he needs his space sometimes. Hell, so do I. Plus, he's still my boss. Such things are frowned upon at my work. Actually, they're not so much frowned upon as downright forbidden. And since I kick it with everyone I work with, I doubt such thing would stay a secret. If only MarkyMark could relocate. That would make everything perfect. Plus, I'd then have custody of PieCat, since she resides with MarkyMark. God I miss that cat. She's my sweet little girl. That's PieCat with a ginormous Teddy Bear I may or may not have bought for MarkyMark one Valentine's before I was informed that MarkyMark strongly dislikes stuffed animals. But MarkyMark still has it, 2 years later... That's love. Or something.

Garbage is releasing a Best Of cd mid June, and I'm so getting it. It's going to have one (or was it two?) new song(s), a DVD of a bunch of the songs live, and, of course, the best shite they've ever released (according to some network exec who's probably never listened to them in his life...)

And my girls The Donnas are releasing a new CD sometime this summer. This is a good year musically kiddies. For me anyway.

I've got to go. My knee's tweakin like a mother-fucker, and I need to go ice it (Ice ice baby). If only my painkillers didn't make me so damn loopy, then I might still be taking them.

Robert, It's fine with me if you're gay dear

I love Raymond.

I saw my new doctor yesterday. She said I definitely have patellofemoral syndrome, but since I've now got pain in all my other joints, that's probably not all that I've got going on. Which is perhaps why my knees refuse to fix themselves no matter what I try.

So NewDoc tells me to get a bunch of blood work immediately, and she wants to go into my right knee, because she believes I've got a tear in my miniscus, which is what's been causing my right knee to give. Peachy. Blood, needles, and surgery. 3 things I'm not a fan of. Then outside the little smelly room I was in, she asks her nurse/receptionist to schedule me a surgery date and the woman asks if I'm doing anything May 8th. As in just over 2 weeks. I say, nope, I'm free, and she writes me down. I start going into shock. Shock that compounds when NewDoc hands me the paperwork with all the blood tests she wants done. There are 7 of them listed on there people. I'm standing there imagining the gallons of blood they're going to need to perform such tests.

So I go back to my primary care people and they order the tests so I go to the lab and check in. I warn the dude I'm not such a big fan of needles, or of my blood being outside of me. He was a good lab tech tho. He got me all distracted and took 6 bottles of blood before I knew it.

I've been told Pie-Cat's new name for today is LoopyLufwafa. She gets a new nickname every day. I've heard that Lufwafa's are very lovable.

Back to the knees, the receptionist chick called me today and said all my appointments are scheduled and call her for the info. Dude... I'm having surgery...

MarkyMark sent me a package and I got it today! I love getting packages. It was just lots of little silliness.

Crossbow said she'll make sure someone takes me to and from my surgery, and they'll all take turns driving me, and getting me whatever I need. And by all that means Bow, ThanksgivingGirl, Hefe and that's probably it. Hefe told me yesterday that he's going to tell the big boss that he needs to be on call for me 24 hours a day to make soup runs or whatever. Silly Hefe's just trying to scam out of work. Not that I blame him... It's a good idea. And Crossbow and ThanksgivingGirl just want me to hurry up and get a handicapped parking pass. I love those crazy cats. Love love love.

I took my sleepy pills a while ago, and it's getting tired to type straight, so I've got to go. Please forgive spelling mistakes, I don't care right now.

Don't be a Fwaf!

Why do I wait to post till Friday?

So, I've had so many things running around in my head all week I wasn't sure what to post first. And now the week's gone, I'm home alone on a Friday night, all hopped up on my Vic (cuz I decided to live it up tonight kiddies. Ooh, watch out!), and ready to stop being just a blog-stalker, and spew the inner-workings of my deformed brain with you all.

I'm no good at twirling my cane.

Holly, my cane looks just like this shit. Except my rubber cap thing is black. It's rather lame, I know. It's what the physical therapist gave me. I haven't yet had an opportunity to get one that's more pimp.

I want this cane, it's fuckin awesome!

Oh yes it totally is awesome. Shut up, what do you know about canes anyway?

I went back to the Nugget Market last weekend, and Larrythewineguy said they're still out of the Lambrusco (Bruscus Lambrusco that is, all the other Lambrusco's I've tried have sucked major ass), and I might have to wait till the next press (or whatever the fuck wine term he used that breaks down to "next season") to get more. That means I have to wait till August people! If I have to wait that long, I'm going to buy so much of it, people will think Prohibition's about to come back. That's right. I'm gonna hoard that shit like a fat guy hoards toilet paper.

I found a place near me that sells Kokanee! Score! So apparently there are only two places in all the land (read: California) that sell my shit, and I lucked out cuz they're both in Nor-Cal. If you want to find out where you can score some Kokanee, don't go to the website, it's a total ass-muffin in the help department. Instead, call the number I found listed on the bottle: 1-800-Kokanee. They're open 7-5 pacific time, and the chick I talked to was very nice. If you can't find a distributor near you, then fly out here, the party's at my place. I'll pick you up at Sac International. If you fly into San Fran, you're on your own bitches!

Marky-Mark said to tell you PieCat caught a bird today.

You don't know Marky-Mark.

That's PieCat being all ashamed of her bird-crippling self.

I got PieCat for Marky-Mark right before I left Washington. PieCat's my sweet babygirl. After she's had a couple days to remember me that is...

I spent most of last weekend with ThanksgivingGirl. We went to the mall, went to a movie, went to Cold Stone (best shit ever), went to Nugget Market, and then kicked it at her house with her adorable dog and cat and watched a marathon of America's Next Top Model. She's a complete tool to that show, and now has me quite addicted.

ThanksgivingDog

On Tuesday I went over to Choncho's house to kick it with his 6 year old so Choncho and the wife could go shop for 6YearOld's birthday presents. I don't call it baby-sitting, because I love this kid to death. I've kicked it with 6YearOld before, and it's always a blast. I've picked him up from school, and kept an eye on him several times. I was just glad they didn't leave me the new 2 month old. Babies freak me out. I like them in the walking, semi-talking, tell-me-what's-wrong stage. Plus, they tend to laugh at my silly jokes more that way.

6YearOld won a Nintendo Wii at church last week, and Choncho asked me if I'd hook it up while they were out. Hell-to-the-yes! 6YearOld was all over it trying to help me, and he actually seemed to know what he was doing. Dudes, the Wii is soooo much fun. And we were just playing the game that comes with the system (it has Tennis, Baseball, Golf, Bowling, and Boxing). I suck ass at the Golf, but that Boxing was the shit man! I totally want a Wii now. Me and 6YearOld ordered some pizza, and he stole my cane and hid it twice. Did I mention I fucking love that kid? He kept saying he liked me, and I was fun. What an ego boost. And then he made a comparison of me to his grandma. I asked him how old he thought I was, and he said "500!" I got all stern and told him I was only 498, thank-you-very-much, and he collapsed into giggles. I love it when he giggles. He's my silly little boy. Last time I kicked it with him, we played Jinks (how do you spell that shit?) and he beat me twice. I ended up owing him an orange soda and a vanilla cupcake with chocolate frosting and sprinkles. I made his cupcakes the next day and sent them home with Choncho (since he works in my building).

I love other people's kids. I wish my siblings were old enough that I could have some nieces and nephews (please, not any time soon for those two though. You hear me Lord?) They're just so much fun. ThanksgivingGirl has the cutest little 2 1/2 year old, and he knows my name! (A major accomplishment since some of the other people from work freak him out and and sometimes make him cry.) He's a little gum whore too, always hitting me up for more (and I always give it to him. So so cute.) He knows an easy mark when he sees one.

Ok kids, this has turned into a damn bible, so that's all for now. And I know I still have to post about my weekend in Washington. I'll get to it...


P.S. I go to a new Orthopedic Doc on Monday to look into the knees. I hope this chick tells me something other than the standard "It should go away on it's own;" especially since now all my other joints are fucked up.