This one's for Cheese (Hi Cheese!)

For those of you who are unaware, Inner Voices and his girl Special Cheese (not to be confused with gov'ment cheese) are the shiz. I love them to death. Cheese's questionable taste in beer (Kokanee is the only beer that should be consumed, ever) can be overlooked by her general awesomeness. Make no mistake, she's no me. But I have high hopes that someday her level of awesomeness might grow to something close to mine...

So Inner Voices and Special Cheese called me up the other day. My head was all afuzz with painkiller nonsense, and they might have had a brew or two, so can any of us be trusted to accurately recall what was said? Probably not. Oh wait, except for me, because I'm badass. So Inner Voices first off calls and is all talkin bout some voice mail, and I was sooooo confused (since I hadn't listened to it). It goes a little something like this "Hi, this is Richard, calling from the port authority down at the naval yard, calling to make sure that all your ports are.... uh... taken care of, and you know, all unported..." and then you can hear cheese in the background, and I want you to know right now that I love these two fools. That was the first time I listened to that voicemail, and you KNOW I saved that bitch. Seriously, seriously. Hands-down, best drunk-dial I have ever received.

Cheese, you were in no way an asshole. I laughed at your good luck, no one rocks at talking to strangers, and I realize my awesomeness can overwhelm at times. Just wait till you kids come kick it in person, you'll be speechless in your awe of me. (What's that? ...No... I'm not cocky. Nooooo. You must have the wrong person.)


Seriously with the port jokes kids? Nasty. My port did not make any sounds or anything. It was under my skin. All you could see was a scar, but you could feel the port under my skin. When the nurses went to do the chemo or blood work, they had to grab the port under my skin and hold it while they hooked me up to the IV. A rather squeamish feeling.

And now, a word from our sponsors:

I have hair! I have enough hair that as of two days ago my hair can get messy. Look at that luscious luscious bedhead! And my eyebrows! I have my eyebrows back. I've let one of my friends convince me that I should leave the eyebrows alone till they're completely back, which is why I look like a wilderbeast.

This is what radiation did to my awesome hair. I quit shaving my head the first day of radiation, and hair started growing all over, but then cuz they were radiating my head, it caused hair loss and a sunburn effect on the one spot they zapped my brain. I can feel a little bit of fuzzy startin to grow on the spot now, but I wish it'd hurry up...

There is an awesome little tea place in Roseville that has wicked chai. And the name of the place just happens to crack me up.

"You are the cheese to my mac." A little shout out to Juno, the awesomest movie ever. If you haven't seen it yet, WTF are you waiting for fools? Diablo Cody (coolest fuckin chick ever, after me of course) won a fucking Oscar for the pure awesomeness displayed in that movie. Seriously? What more do you need?

I'm doggysitting for my next door neighbors, and one of the three dogs is the cutest little bug bug ever. I'm seriously considering stealing her...

And that's a wrap people, much love.

Weeee ken'D

I'm terribly sorry I haven't updated and kept you all in the loop. I've still got some major brain fog due to the pain pills I take every day, so today's post will be in the form of a list, as usual. Some of the things I've had/have going on:

I was supposed to go see AC/DShe last night with Crossbow, her mom, and ThanksgivingGirl, but Crossbow dogged us out. So instead, ThanksgivingGirl came over here and we made soap. We both decided last week that we want to do crafts and such, so we're going to have a weekly craft night. We made soap Friday and Saturday night, and are a bit burned out on it now. But that's ok, we've got all the stuff to make chocolate candies this coming Friday.

I found out I don't have breast cancer (but I kind of want a second opinion to find out what is going on. Scary stuff.)

I still haven't had a housewarming party. I'm not sure I want to have one, cuz then people I don't really like will know where I live. Right now only Hefe, Crossbow (and her husband), ThanksgivingGirl, and of course MarkyMark have been here. I'm completely ok leaving it that way.

ThanksgivingGirl has a cute new kitten named Nora. She's a feisty little devil too

I finally washed one of my trucks (first time since before the surgery). And then it goes and rains that night and my truck looks like hot ass again.

I made a kick-ass potroast

My parents decided they're coming to visit the first weekend in August (watch the news for word of a double-murder in Nor Cal...)

I read a hilarious book by Augusten Burroughs

This is the most beautiful thing in the world. If any of you crazy kids come to the housewarming party I won't be having, we shall drink much Kokanee, and play much air hockey.

I got a CT Scan

I got a tiny, tube-like video camera shoved up my nose by a doctor

I had another doctor stab me in the neck a couple times in order to extract cells to examine them under a microscope

We made all this frickin soap yesterday. Lots of different colors and smells. The top half is what I kept, and the bottom half went home with ThanksgivingGirl. It got to the point when we were making it that we were just closing our eyes and grabbing a scent or color, because we just didn't care anymore. Amazing how fast you can get burned out...

Hefe has started coming over on Sunday mornings to type and print off his weekly essays for an English class he's in (he doesn't have a printer). I review it and offer my suggestions, and we usually end up discussing all sorts of things, eventually leading to one of us saying the world is a fucked up place. And when he leaves I go grocery shopping for the week

I've got to go to the Ear Nose and Throat doc again tomorrow

Ok, I think I'm done.
Much love to you all, hope you enjoy what's left of the weekend.

Why do I wait to post till Friday?

So, I've had so many things running around in my head all week I wasn't sure what to post first. And now the week's gone, I'm home alone on a Friday night, all hopped up on my Vic (cuz I decided to live it up tonight kiddies. Ooh, watch out!), and ready to stop being just a blog-stalker, and spew the inner-workings of my deformed brain with you all.

I'm no good at twirling my cane.

Holly, my cane looks just like this shit. Except my rubber cap thing is black. It's rather lame, I know. It's what the physical therapist gave me. I haven't yet had an opportunity to get one that's more pimp.

I want this cane, it's fuckin awesome!

Oh yes it totally is awesome. Shut up, what do you know about canes anyway?

I went back to the Nugget Market last weekend, and Larrythewineguy said they're still out of the Lambrusco (Bruscus Lambrusco that is, all the other Lambrusco's I've tried have sucked major ass), and I might have to wait till the next press (or whatever the fuck wine term he used that breaks down to "next season") to get more. That means I have to wait till August people! If I have to wait that long, I'm going to buy so much of it, people will think Prohibition's about to come back. That's right. I'm gonna hoard that shit like a fat guy hoards toilet paper.

I found a place near me that sells Kokanee! Score! So apparently there are only two places in all the land (read: California) that sell my shit, and I lucked out cuz they're both in Nor-Cal. If you want to find out where you can score some Kokanee, don't go to the website, it's a total ass-muffin in the help department. Instead, call the number I found listed on the bottle: 1-800-Kokanee. They're open 7-5 pacific time, and the chick I talked to was very nice. If you can't find a distributor near you, then fly out here, the party's at my place. I'll pick you up at Sac International. If you fly into San Fran, you're on your own bitches!

Marky-Mark said to tell you PieCat caught a bird today.

You don't know Marky-Mark.

That's PieCat being all ashamed of her bird-crippling self.

I got PieCat for Marky-Mark right before I left Washington. PieCat's my sweet babygirl. After she's had a couple days to remember me that is...

I spent most of last weekend with ThanksgivingGirl. We went to the mall, went to a movie, went to Cold Stone (best shit ever), went to Nugget Market, and then kicked it at her house with her adorable dog and cat and watched a marathon of America's Next Top Model. She's a complete tool to that show, and now has me quite addicted.

ThanksgivingDog

On Tuesday I went over to Choncho's house to kick it with his 6 year old so Choncho and the wife could go shop for 6YearOld's birthday presents. I don't call it baby-sitting, because I love this kid to death. I've kicked it with 6YearOld before, and it's always a blast. I've picked him up from school, and kept an eye on him several times. I was just glad they didn't leave me the new 2 month old. Babies freak me out. I like them in the walking, semi-talking, tell-me-what's-wrong stage. Plus, they tend to laugh at my silly jokes more that way.

6YearOld won a Nintendo Wii at church last week, and Choncho asked me if I'd hook it up while they were out. Hell-to-the-yes! 6YearOld was all over it trying to help me, and he actually seemed to know what he was doing. Dudes, the Wii is soooo much fun. And we were just playing the game that comes with the system (it has Tennis, Baseball, Golf, Bowling, and Boxing). I suck ass at the Golf, but that Boxing was the shit man! I totally want a Wii now. Me and 6YearOld ordered some pizza, and he stole my cane and hid it twice. Did I mention I fucking love that kid? He kept saying he liked me, and I was fun. What an ego boost. And then he made a comparison of me to his grandma. I asked him how old he thought I was, and he said "500!" I got all stern and told him I was only 498, thank-you-very-much, and he collapsed into giggles. I love it when he giggles. He's my silly little boy. Last time I kicked it with him, we played Jinks (how do you spell that shit?) and he beat me twice. I ended up owing him an orange soda and a vanilla cupcake with chocolate frosting and sprinkles. I made his cupcakes the next day and sent them home with Choncho (since he works in my building).

I love other people's kids. I wish my siblings were old enough that I could have some nieces and nephews (please, not any time soon for those two though. You hear me Lord?) They're just so much fun. ThanksgivingGirl has the cutest little 2 1/2 year old, and he knows my name! (A major accomplishment since some of the other people from work freak him out and and sometimes make him cry.) He's a little gum whore too, always hitting me up for more (and I always give it to him. So so cute.) He knows an easy mark when he sees one.

Ok kids, this has turned into a damn bible, so that's all for now. And I know I still have to post about my weekend in Washington. I'll get to it...


P.S. I go to a new Orthopedic Doc on Monday to look into the knees. I hope this chick tells me something other than the standard "It should go away on it's own;" especially since now all my other joints are fucked up.

I can't keep my days straight anymore

I went to work on my normal shifts Monday and Tuesday, but found out Tuesday night I was getting put on the 12 hour night shift for a special job we had going on Wednesday thru Friday. Fun! So I went home and tried staying up as late as I could Tuesday, but still being wiped out from the weekend, I only managed to make it till about 11:30 Tuesday night. Then I was up by 8 am. Good news was, I was working with Hefe, Crossbow, and our bud Choncho. I've worked these night shifts with Hefe and Choncho before, and while it's brutal trying to stay up, it's usually fun. So Crossbow texted me about 8:30 Wednesday morning asking if I wanted to go tan and run some errands with her. We were done before noon and I went back home to relax and maybe try to sleep some more. That shit didn't happen.

Got to work at 6 pm, and it was just me and Choncho, since Hefe and Bow's shift didn't start till 7. It was a brutal, boring night, since there wasn't really anything going on. We were just there in case the phones rang, all manning our specific sections (but usually all gathered in Choncho's office, because it was just more fun) and trying to stay awake. We watched some Super Troopers; asked each other random questions, just going around the room spouting shit (What's your favorite color, who would you rather do Rosie or Ellen-that was the guys-what alcohol would you drink right now if you could?); batted a hackey sack with my cane, until the little rubber stopper end flew off and was 3 inches from slamming into my head...

Around 2 or 3 am we were all so bored, Hefe and Choncho were coloring the fuzzy poster I'd brought (I like to color when I get bored, and as much shit as they talked, so does everyone else), and Bow was falling asleep.

When I got off work at 6 am, I fell asleep the second I got home, but was awake and ready to go by 2 pm. Got to work by 6 pm, armed with my 4 pack of Redbull, some movies, and STILL forgetting my thumb drive full of pictures from last weekend so I could post some up here. We only ended up working until 11:30 that night, since all the other shops were released to go home early, and there was nothing we could really do. And I didn't have to go to work on Friday. Hell to the yeah bitches!

My sleep schedule's all kinds of fucked up, I just can't sleep anymore. I've had a couple of my beautiful Kokanee beers that I smuggled home in my duffle, but I'm thinkin it's time to bust out the sleeping pills.

I'll post about last weekend, with pictures, soon, I promise.

Disfunctionally Friday!

I have an obsession with Polo shirts. I know this, and have no problem with this. After my little run-in with the LPGA tour on Sunday, I've started looking around online at Lady Golfers and the shirts they wear. I've determined that Suzann Pettersen has got the absolute cutest Polos around. But... The place she gets her Polos from, Peak Performance, I have several problems with. First, they appear to be in every country but the US, and they won't ship to other countries. That's cool though, I could just pop up to Vancouver when I go home and get me some Poloy goodness. Second, I have searched everywhere on their site, and I can't find the uber-cute Polos Miss Pettersen wears. I smell a conspiracy. I think she's getting custom made Polos, and it's not fair people. These Polos she's getting are the cutest ever, and I need them. Peak Performance is doing me dead wrong. They're not sharing the cuteness; spreading the love...

Enough about Polos (although we all know you can never have enough Polos), I'm leaving tonight kiddies, and I'm getting some of that beautiful Kokanee when I'm home. The plane ride won't be very fun, especially not if I get some kid like last time... Oh lord. That's enough to scar you for life. (Can't remember if I posted about her or not: This kid was maybe 14, and she talked and sang to me the whole flight. And then I couldn't ditch her while I was making my way to baggage, and ended up having to meet her Father. It was the most awkward flight and airport incident of my life.)
I can't find my Ipod, which I'd really like to charge up before my flight. And I've got to pack still, and get ready for work. Love you kids, I'll be back Sunday night.

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Edit: 3:55 PM
I'm so excited... I'm freaking out and I'm sure I'm going to forget something. I found my Ipod in the jacket I wore on the plane last time, and it's been charging since about noon. I'm planning on popping some Vic on the plane, because my knees are killing me, but I'm so, so, so very excited. I'm going home!

Step aside Home-school. There's a new sheriff in town.

Damn I love that movie. I want to be on it.

I have to say, there is nothing in the world better than a good Ferrell movie. Nothing. Me and ThanksgivingGirl went this morning and all was good. I know, I know, who goes to morning movies right? Well, a cripple whose knees do better in the morning, and fools who want to avoid a packed theater opening weekend. We went to a 10:15 screening, and there were 11 other people in the room with us. Now, many of you might not realize theaters are open that early, but check your local listings and you will find they are something that is called a Matinee. A bit of a shock eh?

Moving on, I have a cane bitches, and it looks like this. And before you even ask, that's not me in the picture, I had my booty-call pose with it for me. He's a real hottie isn't he? Don't hate.

I went back to Nugget Market today, after some of that beautiful Lambrusco wine I got last week, only to find that they were completely out. I was totally bummed, and talked to their wine-guy, Larry. Larry was cool beans, he said he was trying to get another shipment in ASAP, but he had a couple other recommendations for me. Well, Larry was wrong on one of them. Let me tell you people, not all sparkling red wines were created equal. And Tosso Della Recina is no Lambrusco. At all. There's one other wine I got on his recommendation, but I'm not thinkin I'm gonna try that right now. I'm not up for 2 disappointments in one night.

Larry was a mad-cool guy though, I told him I'm trying to get ahold of that Lambrusco before I go home to W-ton Thursday night, and he gave me his card and told me to give him a call, he might be able to score me some in in time. He also told me to call him after I get home and he'll work on gettin me some Kokanee. He said if they distribute to Cali (and their site says they do) he should be able to get it. I may have to buy a case of it, but I told him that's no problem.

Anyho, something just came up, and a bud asked if I want to go check out a new club tonight. We're only rollin' 2 deep, and I'm the DD, so we'll see how this all goes down. Love to you all, I'm off kiddies.

Tuesday: The new Monday

Here's a little ham and eggs comin at ya:

The doc told me jack shit. Actually some of his wise, wise words:
There's nothing surgically we can do for you
This should be going away on it's own
You shouldn't be in as much pain as you say you're in

God I hate doctors. I went back to my Primary Care Manager two days later and requested a second opinion referral. Now I have to wait on paperwork from my insurance company before I can make the appointment with this new douche.

Found this little snippet via Flixter, and it's made me antsy to see the next Priates movie. (Warning, it's YouTube and it'll take you to Flixter.)

I found a bottle of wine that's not half bad. To me. My buddy Hefe recommended it, a new find from Nugget Market called Bruscus Lambrusco. It's a sparkling red from Italy, and it's not bad at all at $8 a bottle. I'm just sayin...

I have still been unable to find the beautiful beer I had when I was last in Washington. No one down here has ever heard of it. Anywhere. I'm not yet sure if Kokanee really is the best beer ever, or if it's lack of availability is making me remember it as such. It claims to distribute to Cali, but I have searched everywhere I can think, and no love.

But I'm going home in 9 days kids, and you can bet your ass I'm bringing some back with me. Oh yes, I am.

And by home, I in no way mean home to my parents' house. Good God no.

Righto, I've got to go get ready for work. Much love to you all.