Thursday, April 05, 2012

Fuck You Fibromyalgia

Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance.

Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance.

There's a theory that those with chronic diseases/illnesses cycle through the 5 stages of grief again and again. And with something as cyclic as Fibromyalgia, it certainly fits.

I made a decision in the not so distant past to get off of as many drugs as possible, and to put it bluntly, it's not working out very well. I'm finding myself cycling through the stages a lot. I'm finding myself stuck in anger a lot.

I don't like to be angry. I don't feel that I ever have the right to subject anyone else to that anger. It's my own issue to deal with and get over. I hate anger, I hate that I am angry, I hate my body and my circumstances and sometimes myself. So I've withdrawn a lot, from everyone. It's nothing personal, friends. It's certainly not you.

Every single time I seem to make progress, find something that works and get some sort of hope, hope that there is a future, it all comes crashing down on my head again. Frankly it's exhausting.

I need to stop grieving for what was and what could have been, but I honestly don't know where to begin. Fuck Cancer. Fuck Fibromyalgia. Fuck it all.

Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance.

(The entire Human Again album is amazing. Check it out. Ingrid Michaelson is a talented lady.)

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