Shake It Off Sunshine; We Don't Delete Here

When we have days and days of rain, like the days previous to today, or the days coming up, according to the weather magicians, Kaylena's body likes to ramp up its dedication to the insomnia game.

When Kaylena reaches a certain Sleep Deficit Level, let's say for example getting 2 hours of sleep in a 48 hour period, it's very similar to being drunk. And then decision making skills become impaired. And then postings and self reflections and emails and texts get decidedly less funny and decidedly more, well, you've seen what happens.

I try very hard to resist the urges to delete and rewrite here, because it's a blog. What was posted was true in that moment. Call it a documentation of one's descent into madness if it pleases you, I just think if I give in to the call to delete or remove a post now, there's really nothing to stop me from deleting all of the writings from the beginning, from the first bumbling forays into writing, to the surgeries and chemo and the adventures that have come since. I may edit spelling, grammar or the odd fragment that doesn't look quite right, and sometimes I decide to implement a name change, but the main content remains. The urge to delete and to go back and "fix" is a sickness not unlike cancer, it is hard to control without damaging the integrity of the entire body of work. Some of the things documented here I don't have memory of anywhere else. This blog is frivolous, certainly, but it helps me note the passage of time and it serves to document experiences. It is the word-heavy companion to my personal all-picture Adventure Book.

This is the Internet Era, once you hit "Publish" there's really no going back. Some things may never make it out of the Drafts bin, but for the ones that do, no matter how fleetingly true they may prove to be, there's no regrets. I don't deny that I have my hot-mess moments. It certainly makes for an entertaining read given the buffer of adequate time.

Thanks for bearing with me. I've had a nap and will now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.

You Want A Blog Post?

Oh I got your blog post.

RIGHT HERE: https://twitter.com/#!/kayfro

Bottom up. Don't whine. It's not like you pay me to do this. It's not like I'd change anything if you did.

Morning after edit: A lot of investigating seems to go on when Kaylena drinks. FYI: I don't drink as often as I talk or think about drinking. Not anymore. I honestly just don't care for alcohol. 4 shots were involved last night. Total. I took 3 and then about 30 minutes later took the 4th. And there was at least 2 hours of stalling and trying to distract the pain away where I avoided the kitchen counter where the shots were sitting. Make no mistake, I was trashed. But I am ridiculously anal about getting spelling right, much more so when drunk. Drunk me has always been better at journaling, emailing and writing things down that sober me. Perhaps I'm more Hemingway than I ever knew.

Tweets
1m Kay @kayfro @cranberrytarts Ok, give me a second to locate it. I can put it in Roomie's bed, right? I don't have to sleep with it, do I?
4m Kay @kayfro @cranberrytarts I feel the need to go tuck my Peanut Butter in so no one can call me a bad baker...
6m Kay @kayfro @cranberrytarts You put the peanutbutter to bed? How cute. (Yeah, I know what you really mean, it's just so fun to twist it.)
6m Kay @kayfro Followed, of course, by "YOU'RE A WANKER NUMBER NINE!"
7m Kay @kayfro Resisting Urge to climb on top of vehicle and shout "Luce, I can do this. I CAN DOOOO THIS!"
8m Kay @kayfro Drunken job applications, couldn't hurt, right?
12m Kay @kayfro I feel like putting on my old Uni's & sneaking around the 'burb, but thanks to the Neighborhood Watch I know corner-dude has security cams.
15m Kay @kayfro Note to self: Eating your ring would be bad. When you sober up, you will find it under the KitchenAid
17m Kay @kayfro What a bitch.
17m Kay @kayfro My dog seems less than impressed by the finger-guns.
19m Kay @kayfro Can't we just vote for mickey mouse or something?
20m Kay @kayfro WAIT. RON PAUL IS STILL ALIVE?!
20m Kay @kayfro Ugh. News. I thought I avoided having to watch that GD debate.
21m Kay @kayfro Oh you "Have me covered" do you, California Ford Dealer? Then where is the Ranger, huh? You douches.
26m Kay @kayfro HOW IS EVERYONE ASLEEP?! It is not that late people! And I am not THAT drunk...
38m Kay @kayfro Considering ordering pizza but insisting they deliver to the kitchen window, not the front door. While wearing this: google.com/imgres?um=1&hl…
57m Kay @kayfro How the fuck is it not even 10 30?! I thought it was at least tomorrow, maybe even Friday by now. Fuckin-A
58m Kay @kayfro OMG IS SVU ON?! Am I missing this? Thank goodness for DVR.
1h Kay @kayfro That's going on my resume. 72 WPM sober, 68 WPM drunk-No Typos. FUCK YES.
1h Kay @kayfro 68 WPM DRUNK WITH NO TYPOS. SUCK IT!
1h Kay @kayfro You are so fucking welcome that I'm OCD about getting all the spelling right, you have no idea. If I just let all the drunken typo's go...
1h Kay @kayfro Uh oh. We have new emails. What have you DONE Drunk Kay?!
1h Kay @kayfro M'k. I'm not unconvinced that the house next door is actually just a weed-grow-house. Who wants to investigate?
1h Kay @kayfro OMG DO I HEAR AN ICE CREAM TRUCK?! Let's investigate.
1h Kay @kayfro If I don't lose 10% of my followers tonight, I'm not doing this drunk thing right.
1h Kay @kayfro Leaning heavily on counter. Elbow slipped. Near death experience. So much laughing.
1h Kay @kayfro Holy. Fucking. Lightweight. I feel the need to bite someone. If I tip the delivery person extra, I can do that, right?
1h Kay @kayfro Getting drunk for the first time in months on the first day of Lent just feels right. #GoingToHell #SaveYouASeat?
1h Kay @kayfro I would totally order some sort of unhealthy delivery right now, but.... I don't want to have to take this hat off when they get here.
1h Kay @kayfro I will never, EVER post anything online or anywhere with my real name. And fuck ever meeting a #1 Fan. Did you people not see Misery?!
2h Kay @kayfro I just called someone a cuntsicle. I forgot how much I love Drunk Kay.
2h Kay @kayfro I don't Law and Order (any of them) would have lasted nearly as long without the *dun dun*
2h Kay @kayfro Ok, why didn't anyone warn me I'd be wanting Taco Hell BEFORE I took those shots?
2h Kay @kayfro Just caught dog drinking a ton of water. So THIS is what she does to make me get up 3 times a night. Asshole.
2h Kay @kayfro I've decided Roomie is like the runaway bride. Except she drives them away. Do normal girls change so drastically for guys?
2h Kay @kayfro Ok, this is happening. Shots, meet empty stomach.
3h Kay @kayfro I feel cheated. Today's acupuncture doc was not young, not cute and I didn't even have to strip. What a waste of a shave.
4h Kay @kayfro I love you Twitter. When you're here, I never have to drink alone.
4h Kay @kayfro FUCK Electro-Acupuncture. Shit in my back is pissed. There will be excessive drinking starting now.
4h Kay @kayfro I would like to clarify: #myvaginahatessantorum was all @Molly_Kats I just needed you to recognize the awesomeness.
5h Kay @kayfro Even hash-tag haters have to admit this is the best one ever: #myvaginahatessantorum
5h Verifried Drunk™®© @VerifiedDrunk You had me at let’s go and lost me at camping.
Retweeted by Kay
12 Feb Sherry @facciabella Confidence is hot. Put it on. Wear it well. Retweeted by Kay
8h Kay @kayfro 4 days without any cookies, baked goods or yummy carbs of any kind. I don't care that my fibro doesn't hurt, I want a GODDAMNED COOKIE
9h Kay @kayfro I want friends who will let me fake kill them and take pictures damn it! Or, you know, just friends in the same state.

We keep it interesting

Here at Casa de Kay, there is never a dull moment.

I woke up backwards in my bed with my cordless phone and my laptop.

The clues I am finding around the house as I attempt to piece together last night:

A few inches missing from the Belvedere bottle
No contacts in my eyes
An interesting wound on my right knee
Web browsers open to the major and minor listing at the Uni of West Florida, Calculator.com, and the Wikipedia page for Girl Next Door.


Never a dull moment...

Missing In Action

I adore Drunk Kay. Really I do. But sometimes I think she has too much confidence in my ability to remember the things she does.

Somewhere between 3 and 10 days ago, she decided upon a new place for my ring. Logical Kay, lounging on her couch in the back of my brain, had the sense to interject "Drunk Kay, that's not one of the places we put the ring. Morning Kay will never find it."

"No, this is the best place ever. It's totally safe. Morning Kay will love it. She'll put all her important things here."




This ring is only sterling silver, but I love it. It's the only piece of metal I've been able to wear without a nasty reaction from my mysterious metal allergy. And that's only when I remember to take it off every night.

And since I cannot remember when I noticed it was missing, I don't even know whose house was the "safe, new place."

I really don't want to order it again, because I know that as soon as I do I'll find it. And then I probably will think Drunk Kay's new place is the best place ever. But until I can find that place, I am without my precious.

Friends, meet DrunkKay

Edward Norton had Tyler Durden (or Brad Pitt, if you must be specific). I have DrunkKay.

She has grand adventures that I have no recollection of, except when she wants me to. The other morning, I was walking up the steps to my bathroom, absentmindedly scratching at my right underarm, when I saw a note scrawled onto my bathroom mirror in Dry Erase Marker:

"Dear Kay,
Enjoy that Razor Burn. Be glad I didn't get the brows.
-DrunkKay"

I raised my arm to peer at my armpit in the mirror, and sure enough, razor burn.

Then the previous night started coming back to me. I was washing the makeup off my face, when DrunkKay spied my electric razor charging on the counter. Hmmm. Idea.

"DrunkKay, what are you doing?" asked the normally logical Kay, lounging on the couch in the back of my mind.

"Hush. MorningKay will love it. She'll think it's hysterical. You'll see."

Then, because DrunkKay knows that MorningKay's late-night memory isn't so great (with or without a boost from alcohol), she decides maybe we should leave a note. MorningKay is always writing reminders on her mirror, so DrunkKay wipes off the half-remembered dream and writes her note.

Kay reads the bit about the brows from her position on the couch, and says, "DrunkKay, you wouldn't..."

"Nah, that'd just be mean. Funny, but mean. But MorningKay doesn't need to know that we're not serious about that."

Kay and DrunkKay wander off to bed, giggling about their latest prank.



I love DrunkKay. She's like that prankster roommate, except she knows exactly what I'll think is funny, and I know she means me no harm. When she remembers to leave me reminders, I can recall the previous night's adventures. When it's happening, it's like I'm lounging on the couch, watching it all go down and laughing. I love that bitch.