Teaser for last night's party

Hey kids,

Last night was my going away party with my work buds. I think 22-23 fools showed up out of like 60 invited. Not too shabby. I haven't gotten the pics developed yet (I do NOT take my camera when we're drinking. Instead I get a bunch of disposables) But one of my buddies took his camera, and has dumped the pics onto myspace. Here's a quick teaser to get you all excited for my blow-by-blow recap:

Bowling.
Drinking.
Dance Dance Revolution.
Drinking.
Dancing on a Table.
Drinking.

Me doing the "I'm a pimp" dance because I hit some pins.

Me grabbin that ass. A lot of ass was grabbed last night.

Me breakin it the fuuuuuck down with a lil DDR. I am a DDR God!!!



Full recap to include more pictures and actual texts/tweets from The Night. Tell your friends! And best part? No hangover. Score!

New Blog Crack

OMG, fucking hysterical, View now: The UnderDog Diaries

What've you been up to?

So I'm now Twitter's bitch. I text updates ALL the damn time. I love it. Me and Twitter are gettin maaaaaarried...

Had another (and hopefully my last) back procedure done on Tuesday. Didn't swear at my doc nearly as much. I actually tried really hard not to swear at all. They got my IV in on the first stick, totally awesome! The Drugs actually knocked me out, but not before the unholy pain of "checking the nerve endings..." My doc gives me like 6 shots of lidocane, while I'm muttering curses under my breathe the whole time. But they weren't loud ones, so it's ok right? Then they put the grounding pad on my calve and the tech's talking some shit, so I tell the Dr he should smack him. The Dr does not hear me correctly, and says "What? Did you say just smack it?!?!" as he stands at the ass end of me. I quickly correct him, but the tech escapes the pimp slap... Then the needles are inserted at the 4 nerves of shittiness, and the machine is fired up. First nerve I'm muttering under my breathe and Dr hysterical is saying "What's my name?" I say no. Nerve number 2 is up and he says "Come on, say my name..." This guy is a fool but I find him hilarious thru the pain and drugs that will come soon. Nerve number 2 hurts like a little bitch so I say "OMFG!!!" Which the Dr of course hears and gloats to all the nurses and techs that I called him God. As I swear thru the "testing" of nerves 3 and 4 he keeps talking (He must think he distracts from the pain. Not so much Mr Dr guy...) about "God huh? No... I'm not a God... I'm just a Dr..." Fool. Then the nurse pumps the drugs into my sweet one-stick-IV and I think, "Hmmmm, my head's getting fuzzy..." And then I wake up in recovery. Nice.

I celebrated my birthday 6 June and it was fucking insane. Remind me to post on that another day, and I have pictures. Oh it will be awesome.

I got all drugged up Wednesday and ordered a Bamboo Fun Pen Tablet. With overnight shipping of course. My new toy arrived yesterday and it's fucking BOMB! I installed the software that came with it (COREL PAINTER 4 is fucking sweet action), but was able to use the software for like 2 seconds and haven't been able to get back into it since. BUT while I was in it, I made a couple of sweet works of art that I will now share with you fine people. Prepare to be blown away:

First Picture. My buddy Crossbow was riding my ass to send her a picture, and my drugged out brain came up with this.

Second Picture I was hella hungry. It did result in Crossbow bringing me some food though, so I'm good with that.

I could no longer get into my sweet Corel Painter, and turned to MS Paint. Don't hate on my mad skillz yo.

P.S. Fuck Kanser kiddies!

I crossed over to the dark side

I realized I read several people's Tweets, and it's a pain for my drug addled brain to try to remember their addresses and all, so why not just join up and make it easier on myself? I'm all for anything that lets me be lazier, so if you love me, you'll go join up now, just for me. I believe in you.

http://twitter.com/kayfro

Plus, I can post from my phone, so you can get all the juicy details of my wonderfully amazing life instantly!

You know you want to...

Wicked Bored

Got my back done again Thursday. Off work for a bit. Wicked bored. So tired of laying on my back (ha! That sounds way more dirty and fun that it really has been), so tired of Vicodin.

Bruises all over my hands and back. I told them and told them that I'm a hard stick... Tied my old record of 7 sticks to get the IV in. Swore at my Dr a LOT. ("Mother fucking mother fucker that hurts. Why would you want this for a job?? What the hell's wrong with you man?") Flirted with the cute nurse a lot... Swore more at the Dr. ("You're not cool anymore man, I don't like you." Dr starts singing "Why can't we be friends..." I say "Because you're fucking hurting me dude." He tells me the nurse will be my friend in a minute when she hooks me up with the good drugs. I reply that the nurse and I will go out for a beer after this, but he's not invited.) That office causes me the most pain of any in that hospital, but they are totally the most fun. Thus I have been back 4 times. I just can't stay away.

Drove the last 40 minutes to my house after my procedure cuz my friend sucks that much/cuz I'm that hardcore.

Lolo is driving me batshit crazy cuz she thinks "Mommy's home specifically to play with me!!!!" Her sitting on my shoulder squeaking an annoying as hell toy in my ear is not what I'm assuming my Dr had in mind when he ordered me to bedrest.

I'm fucking going out of my mind with boredom. You've probably been the recipient of many random texts or phone calls. Yeah... Those aren't stopping anytime soon. Sorry bout that.

My roomie hasn't come home yet... I think he's starting to avoid me...

Went to Texas a week or two ago for the medical thing. No love. Got drunk in Texas with some cops who were cool as fuck. Realized Texas is NOT the place to be when a sushi craving strikes. (PS, anyone else miss Sushi the Mermaid??) Had an encounter with a freakishly aggressive cougar. Like seriously aggressive. Like, dedicating overly suggestive Karaoke songs to me aggressive.

I'll be moving home to Washington in a couple months prolly, I'll let you know when I have a date for sure.

Oh what a day

My poor Lolo got her girlie-part-altering surgery today. Happy half birthday baby...

I went to my Dr two hours away today. I was supposed to see cancer doc, then get some lunch, and have a chiropractor appt in the afternoon. Cancer doc then proceeds to be over an hour late (sadly, she's always at least an hour late), but as I was the first patient of the day, I foolishly thought this wouldn't happen. Wrong! Then she reviews my latest cancer scans and says "well, this one did not come back negative." And I say "Oh isn't that dandy..." Dandy. I used that word. So she says there's some "activity" going on in the right arm pit again (wtf is up with arm pits? Are they good for anything other than sweating and cancer? Thought not.) and the left groin area. I kinda giggled when she said groin. She said first we need to get some blood work done to check my tumor markers and other random blood levels. Then she also wants an ultrasound of the arm pit and a possible biopsy afterward. And you KNOW I'm looking forward to that.... Biopsy's are so fun! So what with all the tests and whatnot, I missed both my lunch and my chiropractic appt. Shaft.

The blood work usually comes back in an hour, I'm still waiting to hear back from my doc... It's 9 pm. I got my blood taken at noon. Yeah... Great doc eh? The ultrasound isn't scheduled till Tuesday next week. I'll keep you updated. It's very likely that it was all just a fluke, which is why all these backup tests are being taken. I already got my 3 bad things, so it's not possible that the Kanser is back. I'm not letting it. Plus, I just got my hair to an appropriate level of sexiness. I know I'm the hotness when I'm bald and all, but being bald during the summer? Sunburn? Really? No thanks.

My doc did me a solid today though. I was telling her about my upcoming back procedure, and she asked if I'd ever tried acupuncture. I said I'd thought about it but didn't know of a good person to try. The cancer doc who is one door down the hall just so happens to be certified... We walk out the door of her office, she introduces me to him, he says he's got some free time right now, and I say, "why not?" So Dr TinyNeedles says he's going to try sticking pins in my ears to get rid of my back pain. Still a bit sceptical and nervous at this point, I say ok. He uses these tiny gold pins, and some weird applicator, and just shoots them into your ear, one at a time. How he pics the spots I don't know. Voodoo magic probably. Then I have to walk up and down the hall, sit back down, and decide if it still hurts. 5 pins in my left ear, 3 in my right, and my back feels amazing. I'm to keep them in 4 to 5 days, but if they fall out on their own it's no big deal. When my back starts to hurt, I just rub some of the pins and it stops. The ears throb and hurt like crazy, but the back feels amazing. I highly recommend acupuncture to any of you who've been contemplating it. Do it now.

I'll keep you in the loop. Mostly I'm worried about my poor Lolo... She's making these sad little crying sounds. She's completely taken oven my heating pad, and I'm pretty sure she has no intention of giving it back. She ate dinner, she's sleeping a lot. Keep your fingers crossed for my baby. Mommy spent enough money on her surgery... At least that damn vet tax didn't pass...

Much love kids. I've got to figure out how to sleep with these little pins in my ears.

P.S. Jerk is back!!! Go love on him.

I've come to realize

That I'm not such a great blogger when I'm happily paired up with someone. I'm a much better blogger when I'm doing miserable things like getting dumped (because someone not me got pregnant---remember that one? Oh snap!), or having cancer, having knee surgery, getting food poisoning (remind me to fill you in on that one), having ports put in or taken out (thus causing all sorts of bad port jokes to ensue), or other depressing, not so much living a normal life things.

And I'm ok with that.

So in efforts to become a better source of entertainment to all of you, I shall recap my week:

-Monday: normal monotony at work, Teriyaki from the best place ever for dinner

-Tuesday: Dr's appt 2 hours away, more love from my special Janitor Stalker, went do dog park where some undesirable dog tried to make sweet love to Lolo, Teriyaki from second-best place ever for dinner.

-Wednesday: Work goes crazy as everyone pretends we have a normal job while some VIP tours the building, Teriyaki from best place ever for dinner.

-Thursday: Work more monotonous, Teriyaki from best place ever for dinner (it is the best place ever because it is the best Teriyaki on earth. And because everyone who works there is cute). As soon as I finished eating the Teriyaki of Awesomeness (always eaten at home, always shared with Lolo), I felt immediate pain in my Tummy of Not-Quite-Steel. Lolo appeared to be ok. Pain didn't go away. I found my chlorox disinfectant wipes and cleaned the Porcelain Throne, because I knew what was coming. I worshipped that throne. The Tummy of Not-Quite-Steel didn't feel better. There was nothing left in it, but it still was not ok. All night it felt like a sucker punch had been sneaked in when I wasn't looking, mixed with nausea and odd hurty-hurtness.

Friday: I called my Dr first thing in the morning, got in at 9 (hello, 9??? I'm having a tummy emergency damnit!), and he was kinda a douche and said it was textbook Food Poisoning, and it'd go away. No magic pills of wonder, no excuse from work, nothing. Said call back if it didn't go away, never mind that it was Friday, and they're not open weekends. Dr Douche... I go to work, where my supervisor's supervisor sends me home (yea, he's not as big of a douche as we tell everyone he is).

I slept a lot.

I craved more teriyaki. I got uber hungry, and went to the so-not-in-the-same-league-as-to-practically-be-a-different-type-of-food-altogether Teriyaki House. It did not hit the spot, but I did not get violently ill...

On my way home to eat my unpleasant Teriyaki, some douche rear-ended me. I throw up my hands in the universal symbol of What-The-Fuck? and pull into the nearest parking lot when the light turns green. Dumb-shit-rear-ender-man pulls his Volvo in behind me. I make sure my Lolo love is ok (it was a little tap, more annoying than anything), and climb out to check my beastly lil truck.

A dirty looking hippie climbs out of the Volvo to check the damage he inflicted upon his own "car." My lil truck, I am pleased to report, has barely a scratch upon the plastic of it's step-up part of the bumper. Dirty hippie's Volvo has a busted headlight and some unpretty scratches on it's stupid bumper. Score one for Ford!

Dirty hippie claims he "dozed off for a second." I suspect he's more than a little bit high, and just want to get away before I get some sort of dirty contact high from his clothes.

Saturday: I decide that Lolo needs some Dog Park time, since she is driving me crazy with her energy, and she already had a bath Friday, AND joined in my shower that morning... (I swear she's half lab or something. I can't keep this monster out of water). I load everything up in the truck of awesomeness from the passenger side, then cross around the front to jump in, and we're off. ...For 10 feet. ...When I realize something is very wrong. The left rear tire is flatter than your mom's pancake booty.

I put the truck back and proceeded to freak out. I do not have AAA. I do not know how to change a tire, though I do have a spare tire. This is of no help to me, because I do not even have the strength required to open my own bottle of orange juice. At work I alternate who I have open it so the same person does not laugh at me every day.In the midst of my freak-out it was brought up that my insurance might call a tow truck for me. And they did. Apparently a tire change is covered under my towing package. Nice. For future safety, I got myself some AAA as well.

The dudes came and changed my tire, then I took the tire of holeyness and the Lolo of squirmyness to the tire patching place. 2 hours later!!!!! Lolo was actually a very good girl, sat in my lap the whole time. I decided to reward her by going to the Dog Park an hour away. We're there maybe 20 minutes when the Animal Control douche shows up and kicks out every dog who's not wearing their tags. 3 dogs remained... Lolo hates her collar, hates her tags, hates her harness too, but I make her wear that one.

So we went to the second-best Teriyaki house ever and got some din din to go. She's still my good lil angel, and my 3 things of shittiness are done, so my week's now lookin up.

Much love kids.

Questionnaire for potential CaliforniaKay courtship

Please circle the answer that best fits you for the following questions (and remember, there are no wrong answers, but some answers may guarantee that CaliforniaKay isn't the girl for you).

-Do you, or does anyone close to you, consider you to be "crazy"?
Yes-----No-----Define "Crazy"

-Are you currently employed?
Yes-----No-----I'm in school-----On paper?

-Are you single?
Yes-----No-----Ish-----Depends on what your definition of "You" is

-Are you a girl?
Yes-----No-----I like to dress up like one and have people call me Candy

-Are you a boy?
Yes-----No-----I like to dress up like one and have people call me Bud

-Which best describes your hairstyle:
Clean-cut-----Long-----Greasy-----Mullet-----Permed-----"Natural"

-How often do you believe a shower is necessary:
Daily-----More than once daily-----Bi-Weekly-----Weekly-----Bi-Monthly

-A dog's place is
Outside-----Inside, not on furniture-----Depends on the size-----It's my baby!!!

-Do you do any of the following in your sleep:
Talk-----Sleepwalk-----Snore-----Punch-----Kick-----Stab-----Eat-----Drive Cars

-What food would you risk food poisoning for?
___________________________

-Do you dance?
Yes-----Not when people can see me-----No

-Which dance move would most embarrass you in public?
The Macarena-----The Sprinkler-----The "White Girl"-----A line dance

-The worst possbile thing that could happen on a first date:
__________________________________________________________

-Which of the following do you consider to be least a sport:
Cheerleading-----WNBA-----LPGA-----Any Golf League-----Professional Poker



If, after completing this list, you think you are a normal human, you should send it to me with a picture and your full name, so that I may mock you online for all to see. Again, send the info to californiakay@gmail.com

Let's put that lil post behind us

I am now taking applications for my Rebound and for a new group of friends. Please email your reasons of why I should consider you to californiakay@gmail.com. Also, if you could post in the subject line which position you are applying for, that would save much confusion and possible embarrassment.


Moving on, it has now become all about Lolo. This face, the face of cuteness, is helping pull me back into the real world. We went to a doxie meetup last weekend, where the cuteness just sat there, and let people tell her how cute she was, instead of running around letting off some steam like her mommy intended. We're going to another meetup this weekend, and then doing this art-walk thing in downtown Sactown. My plan is to pimp Lolo's cuteness and find some new friends or just let random strangers tell me how cute my dog (and I) is/am/are.

I went to my chiropractor on Tuesday (after a 2.5 month back-procedure-induced-sabbatical), and my favorite stalker was waiting for me. He's this semi-short, nice seeming janitor-dude, and he's always trying to holla. So I made up a boyfriend (who in my mind resembles Michael Clarke Duncan. My Janitor Stalker asks on Tuesday if I'm single yet. I have to think for a few seconds, and say, nope... Sorry. And he's all, "That sucks." Then I reply, "Uh, actually that's good for me, I don't want to be dumped." Then he's all "I'll wait for you." I'm rather stuptified by this comment, so I say "...uh, ok..." Then he's all thinking it's a plan, and repeats "I wait for you, ok." And I was so about to laugh and said I had to go, because I did in fact need to get to my appointment. So now the question is, how do I deal with having to go to my Chiropractor every Tuesday and manage to avoid my stalker until my next back procedure on 30 April? Seriously, open to all suggestions on this one...

I've got to get back to work, lunch break's over. Much love and puppy kisses to you.

During the daytime I'm mostly ok. You can get through anything by pretending it doens't exsist. Nights are harder though. At night you can't ignore the fact that you're in the wrong bed, and that you're in it alone.

I miss my best friend. Miss my confidant. Miss my companion in all things. Miss my lover. I miss waking up next to someone so gorgeous, someone who just waking up next to is enough to bring a smile to your face. I miss having a hand to hold. I miss our laughter. I miss watching tv and snuggling on the couch under a pile of blankets. I miss deciding what to have for dinner. I miss lazy weekends and grocery shopping. I miss having a reason to leave work, to hurry home from the gym. I miss the texts, the emails, the phone calls on the drive home. I miss you.