When we have days and days of rain, like the days previous to today, or the days coming up, according to the weather magicians, Kaylena's body likes to ramp up its dedication to the insomnia game.
When Kaylena reaches a certain Sleep Deficit Level, let's say for example getting 2 hours of sleep in a 48 hour period, it's very similar to being drunk. And then decision making skills become impaired. And then postings and self reflections and emails and texts get decidedly less funny and decidedly more, well, you've seen what happens.
I try very hard to resist the urges to delete and rewrite here, because it's a blog. What was posted was true in that moment. Call it a documentation of one's descent into madness if it pleases you, I just think if I give in to the call to delete or remove a post now, there's really nothing to stop me from deleting all of the writings from the beginning, from the first bumbling forays into writing, to the surgeries and chemo and the adventures that have come since. I may edit spelling, grammar or the odd fragment that doesn't look quite right, and sometimes I decide to implement a name change, but the main content remains. The urge to delete and to go back and "fix" is a sickness not unlike cancer, it is hard to control without damaging the integrity of the entire body of work. Some of the things documented here I don't have memory of anywhere else. This blog is frivolous, certainly, but it helps me note the passage of time and it serves to document experiences. It is the word-heavy companion to my personal all-picture Adventure Book.
This is the Internet Era, once you hit "Publish" there's really no going back. Some things may never make it out of the Drafts bin, but for the ones that do, no matter how fleetingly true they may prove to be, there's no regrets. I don't deny that I have my hot-mess moments. It certainly makes for an entertaining read given the buffer of adequate time.
Thanks for bearing with me. I've had a nap and will now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.