Some people are no fun

Crossbow came home last night (at like 11pm)! Since she's been gone for a few months, several of us had to meet her at the airport, just to give her some love. TGG and I made welcome home signs last weekend: The generic "We missed you" "We heart you" "Welcome home Grandma" (just a nickname), and then a couple because I'm "creative/easily bored." "Welcome home Hooker" and "You smell like Beef and Cheese." So we get to the airport and see Crossbow's husband, another chick from work, and Crossbow's sister (who totally kicks ass) and a friend. Crossbow's sister's sign totally topped ours. It was a really long one, requiring two people to hold it, reading "Welcome home Bitch!" Our little grouping of signs got so many looks. One couple was coming down the escalator, and upon reading the WH Bitch sign, the man points at the woman and mouths "It's her sign!" She didn't see him for a few seconds, then turns around and gets all offended. It was good, clean family fun.

In other news, I've been housesitting for ChopStyx and co all week. They're in Hawaii. Totally unfair right? Styx's dog (and her daddy's dog) are a weiner dog and a pug, and we've had lots of fun. They insist on sleeping with you, and not just in the bed with you, but all up in your space so you can't move. They really like to each be on opposite sides of you, and wedge you in so you have no hope of sleeping comfortably. The WeinerDog is a sneaky little shit too. You move her to the foot of the bed, or ever just over a foot or so, and before you're laying back down again she'd back in the spot you just moved her from. This Move-The-Dog isn't exactly my favorite bedtime game, so eventually I just gave up and let her sleep where she wanted. That win goes to the dogs. To even up the playing field a bit (and for my own sanity) I gave them both a bath a couple nights ago. I think the smell of dog is one of my least favorite scents. It took two shampooings each pooch, but they no longer smell of dog. They don't smell like roses, but I still count this as a victory.

Work is the bullshit. I try to be there as little as possible. They're still screwing me over on my medical stuff, and dragging it out, so yes, I'm still here in NorCal, and it looks like I will be till at least after the first of the year. They don't even know what to do with me there. I've become the go-to person for all the most retarded, frustrating special projects. If I have to organize one more office social function I'm pretty sure I'm going to go postal.

ThanksGivingGirl has the cutest Chinese Shar Pei ever (ThanksGivingDog), and she's been trying to find a new home for her. TGG is moving in December (to the east coast no less) and can't find a house/apartment that will allow her to bring her dog. She IS able to keep the cats though. Her parents and siblings have other dogs that just don't get along well with other females (I believe TGDog is 3) so that's a no-go. I'd love to take her, but with my future destination so up in the air, I can't. ChopStyx's dogs don't get along well with bigger dogs, and my parents can't take her because their Precious Princess doesn't realize she is in fact a dog, and therefor does NOT like other dogs. So if any of you know someone looking for a Shar Pei, she's good with kids (TGG as a 3 year old boy who grew up with the dog) and cats. She's already had her eyes "done" (Shar Pei's have a nasty breed habit of their eyelids kind of flipping in which irritates the eye like nothing else, so many need surgery to fix it).

Getting back to the title of the post, there's a new girl at work. As you may have gathered from the welcome home signs, we're a pretty fun-loving, name calling group. Mostly we insult everyone's mom, and call each other hooker, cripple (that'd be me), grandma, and ho-bag. So I was passing the new girl in the hall, and said "What up hooker?" She turns back and says "I don't play like that." I'm all, "Ok, my bad." And she has to emphasize (in all her I-have-no-personality glory) "No, but seriously, I don't play like that ok?" And I'm all, "Yeah man, I get it." Fuckin get a personalty bi-otch. Otherwise we're all going to join TGG in stealing your animal crackers. She'll probably file a report on us for taking them too, that's how lame this robot toolbag is.

The microwave is declaring that my pizza is reheated, so I'm outta here. Word to your motha.