Edit: Californiakay: Now with more fiber... And pictures.
I'm here. I'm mostly still alive. I'm fed up with this Chemo bullshit. Seriously. It is not of the lord.
My hair started falling out 2 weeks after my first chemo. I couldn't stop pulling it out either. It's like scratching at your chicken pox. It's wrong, you know it's wrong, but you have no intention of stopping. So, the hair started the great gravitational migration to the ground on a Tuesday, and by that weekend there wasn't much left: Sunday night I realized there was no way I was going into work that way, so I hacked it off with the scissors, then buzzed the rest off. Almost immediately I realized that having no hair upon one's head is a very cold way to go thru life. I have been rocking beanie's religiously since that Sunday night. Even to bed. And if my beanie falls off my chrome dome in the middle of the night, I wake up freezing, and search for it in my pile of blankets.
Blogger's being a punk ass little bitch right now, and not letting me add any pictures, but I assure you, I have pictures to share with you.
I've felt like completely and utterly asstastic since roughly Thursday. The doc has decided they shall start giving me a shot the day after chemo every time now to help boost my white blood cell levels, and good God it sucks so badly. Every muscle and joint in my body has ached for days. The pills they told me would fix it (Claritin. The fucking allergy medicine) hasn't done a Goddamn thing, and as of today Percocet won't help me either. I want to whine and cry like the punk ass little bitch that I am.Edit: This is a shot from one end of the "Chemo Room." It's just a bunch of recliners full of sleepy people and IV poles.
To answer some of the things brought up recently in the comments:
Jerk: I don't remember that deal, but a deal's a deal. You just have to clear it with MarkyMark. I'm sure sex with you has to be better than chemo. Do you induce vomiting and hair loss?
Holland: I assure you, I am fucking sexy as Ms. Clean. It's astounding how awesome I look bald. My dear mother told me I should even think about rocking this look after my hair comes back. I told her she's fucking crazy.
Stone: You're right. We should start our own club, and only follicly challenged people can join. It'd be awesome. Just cuz we're there. Props on the Blazing Saddles shout out there too.
Sushi: I'm down for the scalp tattoo. That'd be fucking bad ass.
Cher: Sometimes you leave me a little bit speechless. I swear I'm going to send it... I just don't really leave my house much right now. Like at all. I got the box from the post office. I just lack the motivation to send it. It'll happen. Don't give up on me.
Inner Voices: It's weird how my hair is falling out. I still have a bit on the top of my head. My eyebrows and lashes go thru little spurts where I seem to lose a bunch, then they're content to stay again. My arm and leg hair seems to want to stick around, not losing any of that. And the "bikini area," I've lost like half of it. That I'm not losing all my hair all at once is weird to me. I guess I just expected to wake up one morning and for it all to have gone away. I wouldn't mind that at all. Think about it girls, no more shaving! I can't fucking wait, but of course, my body seems to have other plans. Anyway, I can't actually get a tattoo till after the chemo and radiation are thru. Apparently my body would have a shite time healing and all right now. The parlor you mentioned sounds awesome. What's it called? When I had mine done, it was by some smelly old guy in a place that had bars on the windows. It's a miracle I didn't get an infection...
I can't wait till all this is over. I want my body to go back to behaving in a normal fashion, doing what I ask of it, nothing more, nothing less. I know the odds of that happening are pretty slim. My hair will most likely come back a different color or texture. I'm most likely going to end up sterile. My doc said it's possible that I might even go into Menopause. Fuckin A right? I'm tired of being tired.
In other news: Crossbow got a cute new puppy (a mini Pinscher named Diamond. So cute). Hefe's staring to settle in over in whereeverthefuck he is. ThanksgivingGirl got another kitten that I have not yet seen but really want to. I got to see RunnerGirl last week and I miss her like crazy and gave her a bazillion hugs, and told her I absolutely hate her. The girl is 5 months pregnant and has gained 3 pounds. 3! She doesn't look pregnant at all, except for the tiny little bump that is her belly. MarkyMark was here a couplefew weeks ago, and took absolutely wonderful care of me and I had wonderful food and wonderful sleep for 5 beautiful days. Damn school for making MarkyMark leave again.
I love you all, lots and lots. I'll come back some time and try to get up the pictures that Blogger doesn't want you to see. I've been around, I've been reading you all, even if I don't comment (I'm really bad about that... Sorry. I have Chemo-Brain. I can't formulate coherent thoughts. But I'm still following along with you all.) I just haven't really had shit to say about me. Or when I have, I haven't felt like sitting down and getting it out here. My bad. I'll try to work on that. If you want to get get ahold of me, email's probably best. That has a 1 in 3 chance of me responding same day. This.... Anyway, don't be afraid. Hit me up: kay_fro @ Hotmail
Love Love kiddies
15 comments:
Wow...hot damn that's rough. If I'm not sterile, I'll have a baby for you. As long as it's Jerkstore's :)
I'm keeping you in prayers...Love you!
When my hair fell out I thought it'd be the top of my head that would be cold, but it was the back of it just above my neck. Brrr. I rocked one of those furry, mad bomber hats all winter. Them bitches are awesome. I called it my toupee.
I don't know about color, but your hair will be a different texture. I've heard that before. Mine was even though it wasn't the same situation as yours. "Training" your hair to do what you want again is a pain in the ass. You'll get used to being bald or having shrt hair and you won't want to go back to longer hair. SHort is no hassle, baby.
I'd talk to MarkyMark, but I'm afraid he'll send the Funky Bunch after me.
I don't cause hair loss, but I'm not making any promises on the vomiting.
I don't think this Hodgkins crap knew who it was messing with when it sucker punched you. Poor bastard.
I'd do you, babe. And I'd so have your babies...well...not really cuz I hate being preggers, but I'll share my eggs. How's that?
Mucho love to you, darling.
it was called, Black and Blue tatoo. i ended up going there because they were the nicest people who answered the phone, i spent over a thousand bucks there! funny place. i wonder if they have a web site?!? huh... lemme know when your down for some ink, i'll surely show up for some of that, i dont know if there is any tatoo parlors in roseville? but i got a buddy who has property there somewhere...
hair or no hair you are still you, get some funky lids and rock them for all they are worth
crazy pics. like the bun? oh and have i said fuck kancer lately...
Saw the pics..still think you're smexy.
Shit...the pictures...However, you're super cute even bald. Maybe it will be like Vin Disel where your sex appeal will rocket without hair.
kay- i'll never give up on you. giving up seems like a verb. an action if you will... something i am lacking lately. action of any sort. so, no worries, i'm barely going anywhere...ever...
it really sucks that you are going through all this. it sounds like you have a pretty good support system though...
Oh yeah...and I love the title of this post...
where's my hair beotch?
i'm about to give up
oh, no. wait. no i'm not.
HOWS THE CHEMO BRAIN TODAY?
What's up?? I need an update...or an email, or something.
Thinking about you.
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