Kay's Blind Gayting (mis)Adventures: Know Your Baggage and Be Yourself

(I love music. When I spend too long without it my life goes wonky. I've just fallen in love with a pop-rock-grunge band with pretty, pretty accents called Mechanical Smile. You should give their song Take Me To The Other Side a listen and vote for it so they win Redbull's little challenge.)

Read the whole Blind Gayting series here. Scroll down to 8 February and work your way up.

To the Blind Gayting (mis)Adventures:

I've come across a lot of articles lately about "celebrities" (let's not start the debate about what qualifies someone as a celebrity today) saying they don't think they're pretty. And then people tear them to shreds in the comments or even the article itself.

But I totally get it. I am becoming more and more anti-label as a whole as I spend more time on this earth. I'm not particularly comfortable with undeserved complements. I don't have really any choice over the face I wear around every day, I didn't pick my name, and my voice is the one that comes out when I speak. I look in the mirror and yeah, I'm cute. I've got interesting eyes. I've usually got a cocky smirk on my face and something interesting going on with my eyebrows.

But I'm also sarcastic. A bit of a smart-ass. I'm quick with a come-back. I try to be informed about a wide range of topics and things that interest me, but I recognize that there are millions of things that I don't know anything about. I know that my taste in clothing and sneakers and music and movies and my sense of humor aren't always shared by everyone else, and I try to gauge if I've anything in common with my conversational partner so that I'm not blathering on like some completely self-absorbed douche or sitting in awkward silence. I try to stay away from the 3 conversational no-no's at all times: Religion, Politics and Hunting, because I enjoy getting to know people via conversations, not debates.

But all of that is MY baggage. They're my issues to work through, not something to expect other people to pick up on and be aware of. And above all, I'm almost painfully polite. I will never tell someone to please shut up, stop saying that thing they're saying, that they're making a complete horse's ass of themselves.

That said, I'm not comfortable with people I don't know (or barely know) who hand out superfluous complements in an unending stream. Who assign intimate, pet names upon first or second meeting. Don't call me Beautiful like it's my name when we just met 20 minutes ago. Don't have a glasses fetish (or at least keep it to yourself the first couple of meets, like everyone else). Don't be overly touchy when I'm not drunk and I have no personal relationship with you that lets you in my bubble. In fact, assume that everyone has a bubble and that you should respect it until you are invited into it.

People: BE YOURSELF. I know everyone gets nervous, or tries to hide up their unsavory quirks, but for fuck's sake! Shut your mouth for 5 seconds and pick up on what the other person's not saying. If they're tense or relaxed. If they're focusing on you or looking at anything but. If you're boring them out of their mind or making them so uncomfortable that they're squirming in their seat every time you open your mouth.

If you choose a first date/brand new relationship to start introducing yourself by a new name, how about don't meet up for a first date at a place that everyone knows your actual/common name. Because when you go to the restroom (and you will at least once), your friends or regular bartender are going to attempt to put your date at ease. And then that date will say something about what a funny person you are. And they'll use your name. And the friendly bartender will look at them like they're on crack, because apparently NO ONE FUCKING CALLS YOU THAT NAME OR ANYTHING CLOSE TO IT.

*Clears throat* But I digress, be yourself. You're pretty cool. There's a reason this person though you were pretty cool. Don't suddenly get so nervous that all of the things that make you awesome and uniquely you fly out the window. Just take a deep breath in, let all the retarded rules and advice your friends have given you out, and smile. Say hello. Repeat as many times as necessary.

Will you look a bit peculiar smiling and saying "Hi" again every 5 minutes? Yes. But hopefully they'll find it endearing and you'll still be better off than if you're rambling on like a jackass, playing some stupid mind-games or working The Rules.