I'm full of hate

I hate so many little things. They shouldn't matter, but they do. I shouldn't let them have so much importance, but... I do. I hate that there is nowhere I can be me. Really me. I'm not sure I even know who that real me is anymore. I hate that I can't even be me on this fucking blog. I hate untrustworthy people. I hate that I dropped my baby off on Wednesday, and I still don't have him back yet. I hate bumming rides of people, it makes me feel dirty in a way that makes me not want to be me anymore. I totally hate that I hate the new guy in my shop. I hate that I can't even say what that shop is.
I love that some of the people I work with are my buds. I love that I can go to their offices when I need to escape my own. I love that my buddy Crossbow isn't pissed at me. I love my buddies. I need them. I love that sometimes we can just be, there's no akward rush to fill the silence. I love not talking sometimes. I love that being with Crossbow and Hefe is as relaxing as just being alone. I can just be me, and they can be them, and there's no need to pretend.
I hate that I'm staring into the face of a truth I can't escape.
I love that I have friends who can just listen without giving any advice at all. Sometimes that's all I need. Just to unload; don't load me back up again with your suggestions when I don't want to hear them.
I love being in love, but when I'm not, or when it's not close to me, I feel empty inside. I want the love back.
I downloaded KT Tunstall's Acoustic Extravaganza off iTunes. I love it. It's so mellow and relaxing and helps me stay me.
I love you guys, you people I don't know, but am allowed a brief glimpse into your lives from time to time.
I love you.
Thank you.