Hey

I've started this post so many times. It's not blogger's fault for once.

This post is rather difficult for me to figure out how to word, so I'm just gonna say it. And if it doesn't come out right, fuck it.

I got the lab results back last week. The results from my surgery. It was the bad news thing.

It turns out I have Hodgkins Disease. That's cancer of the lymph nodes. Of all the cancers to get, it's one of the best; it's got really good recovery odds.

When my doc told me, I first asked what Hodgkins was (cuz he wasn't exactly making it sound like the Publishers Clearing House Prize Patrol was about to roll up to my door). Then I cried a little; and apologized for crying. Dr Doc then says "Hey, you're 22 and just found out you have cancer, I expect you to cry." I still felt like a major wuss for crying in front of the guy. He then explained a bunch of stuff to me, and said the 2 oncologists in the clinic/hospital are really great doctors. He said if he didn't think so, he'd send me someplace else. Then he set me up an appointment for a full body CT scan, to find out if any of my other lymph nodes are fucked up.

I'll admit that when I got out to my truck that day, I bawled my eyes out for about 20 minutes. I called my Mommy and cried at her. I called MarkyMark but only got the voicemail and didn't want to cry into that.

So I go see my oncologist tomorrow. I should also get my CT scan results back then. I just want to get all the info and start this shit so I can hurry up and get it all behind me.

I also told ThanksGivingGirl the day I found out (cuz I was calling her to let her know I wouldn't be back at work the rest of the week cuz of the infection), and it just kinda came out. "TGG, I got my test results back. I have cancer. *CryCry*" She told my big boss and that's why him and the little posse came over to my house last wednesday.

I've told CrossBow, and she's been texting MarkyMark like crazy trying to make sure I'm ok. I think she's so worried cuz she's all the way down in Texas and can't do anything. Have I mentioned that I love CrossBow? She's a sweetheart. She's seriously one of the best friends you could ever wish for.

Another good friend of mine, a sweet little southern girl from Arkansas, called me the other day. She was askin how the surgery went, and I told her the wonderful news, and she said she's coming to see me. SouthernGirl even MySpaced MarkyMark to make sure I'm ok, and to say she'll be out in October to see me. Nevermind that SouthernGirl's never met MarkyMark. They spoke on the phone when I was in Mississippi a few years ago, and I talked about them so much to each other, they feel as if they know one another. SouthernGirl's also a sweetheart. She just went thru a rather nasty divorce, but she's with a new guy who seems to make her happy and I'm so thrilled. The Ex was a jackass.

Yet another great friend of mine, a runner from Oregon, said she'd try to come see me soon. She was my roommate when I lived in Maryland, and is like a sister to me. She's in SoCal right now, househunting with her husband, and due to have a baby in a few months. This sweetheart, RunnerGirl (I'm so original with names aren't I?), told me that she's not sure if Lymph nodes can be donated, but she'd totally give me hers. How could you not love a girl like that? Even if she is unfortunate enough to be from Oregon... I haven't seen RunnerGirl in almost 3 years. I really need to get off my ass and go see her, it's only like 6 hours. She hasn't met MarkyMark either, but they pretty much know each other, same thing as above.

When shit hits the fan, it feels good to know your friends are there for you. I know I'm going to be rocking the Bic'd head look by the end of the year, and that my friends are already talking about wig-shopping with me (which I'm so not doing, wigs really weird me out), really makes me feel good. CrossBow said I'd better still be able to go out with them, cuz she doesn't want to leave me out. Honestly, I just think it's gonna be hilarious to be called my nickname (everyone calls me Fro. always) when I'm hella bald. I mean seriously... Think about it.

My parents offered to drive here immediately when I told them. I told them that's unnecessary, I haven't even been to the oncologist to find out any info yet. My mother said if I need anything, or decide at any time that I want her here, my parents will do whatever.

So ThanksGivingGirl, CrossBow, SouthernGirl, RunnerGirl, MarkyMark, Hefe, and all the rest of my friends and family, I love you all. Love Love Love.



This kind of makes me wish I'd told my parents some things when they were here a few weeks ago. I just feel there's a lot of things we've just never come out and said you know? I know they don't like MarkyMark, so I've never bothered to tell them about us. For 3 1/2 years. We don't live together, so it hasn't been a pressing issue, but I really feel like I passed up a golden opportunity. Maybe I'm just freaking out and want everything cleared up. On the one hand, I'm not really scared, but on the other, I'm fucking terrified. I don't know man, I don't know.

I'm going to leave you now with the happy image of my neck, taken for you today. And I rocked it to work like this, all uncovered and nasty. (Dr. Doc told me to keep it uncovered for now when I saw him yesterday.) And if you look closely, you can see the hole they re-opened that the string was hanging out of until yesterday. Fun!